July 9, 2016

The Craziest Dating Story Ever

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Guys, I’m really cringing as I write this. I don’t usually share much about my current personal life because well, let’s be honest, my family is reading this. But something happened to me recently and I knew I had to find a way to share it with you.

I have now been single for over 3 years and actively searching for someone to spend my life with. I’ve been on every dating app. I’ve also taken a break from every dating app. I’ve told every friend. I’ve updated my wardrobe. And I’ve been out and about much more. All in an effort to call in my guy.

This past March, after about 8 months of a dating app break, I finally decided to give it a try again, and signed onto Hinge. Within just a few weeks, I started chatting with this guy (let’s call him George because I know no one by that name!), and I instantly felt a connection with him. A very rare occurrence for me. He took charge, set up our dates, and didn’t bore me with long drawn out text conversations.

We met for breakfast on a Sunday morning for our first date–surprisingly it was one of the best dates I’ve had in my life. We were so enthralled in conversation and laughing hysterically that I completely lost track of time and was late to my next appointment.

I got in my uber and I remember feeling joy in every single one of my cells. I didn’t even know that was possible. I was so shocked by the deep sense of happiness I felt.

But then things took a crazy turn.

After a couple of really fun dates, George ended up disappearing out of the blue with zero communication. No texts. No calls. Nothing. About 10 days after that, he finally told me he started seeing someone else. Although I was disappointed, I also felt somewhat complete. And accepted that my time with him was just a sweet reminder of what was possible with a man.

Oh, but it wasn’t over yet.

Just a week later, as I was happily sitting at my birthday dinner with 4 of my best friends, I got a text from George. Now this wasn’t just any text. This was the most epic text I have ever received in my life. He shared with me how he felt deeply connected to me. That he had actually never been seeing anyone else. And was genuinely too nervous to emotionally connect with someone on the level that we did. He even sent me a beautiful quote and a link to a relationship-focused youtube video.

He wanted to pick up where we’d left off.

This completely knocked me off my feet. I was shocked, confused, and hesitant. But for the next 5 nights (while he was out of town on business), we spent hours on the phone diving into everything we were feeling.

My loves, I really want you to know that the build up was real. I would get messages from him, that I was his “perfect soul match” or “one of the most beautiful women he’d ever met.” There was a part of me that was trepidatious, but there was an even bigger part of me that just wanted to believe this was all happening for real.

The way the story ends with George isn’t so pretty. We had two unsatisfying dates after that (although I wouldn’t really call them dates), only to find out that George had decided to dive headfirst into a relationship with me without really taking me into consideration.

A part of me felt that the nature of our intensity and George professing his deep feelings for me was all too much too soon. But I kept ignoring it. If I had listened to my intuition and heart at the time, I would have heard “people have to earn the right to say things like that to you.” Sure it’s beautiful, it’s a fairytale, and in every romantic comedy they tell you that it’s all you ever wanted.

But in the truth of my heart, it couldn’t of been more wrong for me. At the beginning of this dating process, especially if you’re ready for a real partner, it can be really easy to ignore what’s going on for you and let them steer the ship in a way that doesn’t seem 100% authentic. In conversations with my girlfriends, it’s become very clear that many women are just longing for someone to love them. So when we find someone that’s bright, shiny and full of possibility, we tend to let that deep desire take over and forget the rest.

What we need to keep in mind always is that dating is not just about what he wants, it’s actually completely about what you want. How does this person make YOU feel? How safe do YOU feel with them? Do YOU feel truly seen? And is it going at a pace that’s completely authentic to what’s happening for YOU?

After spending hours with George where he was quoting my blog and looking at my face, but telling me I looked so pretty in my pictures, I started to get this really intense feeling that his fast infatuation had very little to do with Nitika the person and everything to do with Nitika the brand. So creepy. I’ve never experienced something like this before and I know in my heart that if I had listened to my truth earlier, I could have saved myself a lot of wasted time.

The point is this, no matter where you are in your relationship journey–whether you’re happily married, struggling to find someone, or embarking on a new adventure in love–just know that your truth, your voice, and your feelings are what has to come first. After all, it’s a freaking privilege to be with you.

Thank you for taking the time to read this super scary-to-share story. I’m still cringing, but I’m glad we’re in this together. In the comments below, please share any dating stories that have turned into massive lessons for you or if you’ve ever felt yourself ignoring your truth while in a relationship. We are in this together. I love you so much.

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Comments

  • Surbhi

    Hey Nitika!
    So this resonated with me tremendously. Thanks for sharing!
    I have been dating various men on and off and have had some wierd experiences as well. I met a guy who via one of these online websites and we instantly connected over the first phone conversation we had. Coincidently he was going to fly to where I lived (I was not in New York at the time) for work purposes. We met for a couple of dates which went really well- we laughted together and spent lots of time and even started talking about when we would see each other next…… he left and then completely fell off the face of the earth! I tried to get in touch with him over text/ phone …. But nothing. 6 months later he contacted me again…. We met up….. He said he had been working in Europe all this while….. Fast forward- thinking through this, I realized that he really just wanted to go out and have fun with while he was in that town- the classic consultant behavior. lol. I learnt not to entertain men who are flaky like this 🙂
    Thanks for sharing your experience with us!
    Surbhi

    • Nitika

      So glad that I was able to help you reflect on all this Surbhi!! It’s such a journey, this whole dating thing, but sounds like you’ve learned a lot in the process which is all that really matters. Lots of love!! xx

  • Asha

    Hi Nitika. You have no idea how that this post was perfectly timed with what I was feeling about a certain someone I met online. While I felt there might have been a connection over the phone- I felt zero connection to him in person. I went on a date with him three times and the whole time I tried to remain open. But you feel how you feel and shouldn’t ignore those signs.When I expressed that to him, he was not having it. He provided many reasons for why we should be together and would not respect the fact that I was not interested in him. His behavior also demonstrated his blatant disregard for my wants and needs. He just wanted what he wanted. This is a big redflag. This post truly showcases the importance of ensuring that your needs are being fulfilled and that you should not overlook how you feel about a person- or how that person makes you feel ( or not feel, in my case) because of your longing to be in a relationship. Well written. I Appreciate that you shared this very resonating blog with us. Thank you.

    • Nitika

      Thank you SO much for sharing Asha!! It sounds like you were able to really see what you wanted even if the guy was trying to convince you of otherwise. So happy you stuck to your guns love!! Keep it up 🙂 xx

  • Brooke

    Just wanted to say thanks for sharing! I know it’s hard to open up about…I’ve been single for over three years myself. I’ve been trying to focus this time on looking at the lessons and honoring where I ignored my gut. Because those gut messages did happen, I just bypassed all of my signs! I appreciate your honesty, sincerity, and love. You are an amazing woman and I really appreciate you recognizing that it’s not just the guy’s relationship–it’s ours too! And it is a privilege to be with us!! Our feelings come first—that resonated with me because I’ve been so desperate for love in the past, I put up with a lot of crap despite my intuition’s pleadings. Sending you love—you’re an amazing woman!! You will get that connection you yearn for ????????????????????

    • Nitika

      So sweet, thanks Brooke!! I am so grateful that this post was helpful, especially because I was cringing the entire time I was writing it 😉 Lots of love!! xx

  • Azna Vishwa Dharini

    Dearest Nitika,
    You are young enough to be my granddaughter. I love you, sweetie. I am so sorry you had to go through this. You are so beautiful, inside and out. Any guy would be super fortunate to have you as his wife, fiance, girlfriend, etc. Honey, your true soul mate is out there. I don’t know how old you are but I do wish I could set you up with my nephew who is 28. I don’t know if he is good enough for you, though. I love to be a match maker. I wish I had a son around your age. I would not hesitate to do my very best to convince you to date him and him to date you so you could eventually become my daughter-in-law. But alas, honey, I do not have a son or any children. My cousins’ children are still teenagers or boys. Oh well. I will do some serious praying for you to find your soul mate. In fact, I just prayed for you to find your soul mate, soon. I know it will happen. Please get coaching on how to find your soul mate from a Law of Attraction expert. There are coaches who specialize in relationships as you already know. Best of luck, honey. Love you dearly.

    • Nitika

      This is the SWEETEST note. Thank you Azna, I truly appreciate your prayers and have no doubt that it’s all going to work out great! Lots of love xx

  • Cassandra Bodzak

    YASSS!! I love that you shared this!! Love you so much lady. xoxo

  • feliz

    Hi Nitika,

    Thank you so much for sharing. A few months ago I connected with someone whom I have known from a far and during our first few interactions there was a spark. I wanted to meet for tea and he invited me to dinner. I was blown away because I had been “out of the dating game”. It was so much fun going to dinner and the spark was still there. We saw each other the following weekend while I had a friend in town and we were texting and talking throughout the week. He eventually came to visit me (I live in a rural area so I’m far from the city he lives in) and we had another amazing time together and finally kissed. I realized as we started to kiss that I didn’t want that so fast. I wasn’t over my previous partner, in which everything had felt just right and perfect, and I wasn’t ready to get into something in which I wasn’t sure what that was. I didn’t listen to my truth, just as you talked about, and instead decided that I should just dive in…!!! We spent the rest of the night being close and intimate, but once we talked about what we wanted and what kind of relationship we enjoy, we realized that we wanted very different things. I felt this huge “what should I do” going on. I really liked this guy, but we were compatible in terms of the relationship structure- or even the “getting to know you” structure. I felt myself thinking about compromising something that I’ve recently decided I valued. Luckily, my previous partner came to visit the following week and I put things on hold with the new guy because I just didn’t have the emotional capacity to deal with both of them at the same time and I didn’t want to be unfair to the new guy. A few days later, the new guy texted me that he just “couldn’t do this anymore”. (I was surprised, because I thought I had ended it with an opening to reconnect later). I felt relieved and sad at the same time. Now that some time has passed, the new guy and I have reconnected, strictly being friends. I find that I still have some attraction to him, but I am grateful that we didn’t get into a relationship. I realize that if I had listened to my inner voice sooner, I would have not wasted so much time and could have saved both of us from so much dramatic emotions. I now know that I really just wanted tea and I wasn’t in a place for dinner, as sweet and fun and romantic as it was. Thank you for sharing your story. <3

    • Nitika

      SO good Feliz! Yes yes – this is what it’s all about. And the fact that you see it now, that’s what matters the most. I am so proud of you for uncovering all of that. Amazing. Lots of love beauty! xx

  • Evelina Kassai

    Nitika, thank you for sharing your experience. I wonder if you’ve ever had a Past Life Regression. It can really clear your spiritual body from hurt, disappointments, and limiting beliefs about love and relationships, it can open your heart and link you to your ideal partner, who is out there also looking for his soulmate.

    Our subconscious beliefs can literally block us from love. I know something about it because it took me 4 years to heal and find my true love. (our anniversary was in April) I can see into spiritual world and some people literally have iron gates locked with chains around their hearts. It makes me sad. I had them too, until I chose to free my heart and open it. It’s really a freeing experience. Because we are in prisons of our own perceptions and ideas about what and how love is. It’s very saddening how many people repel love, and some of them are even in relationships. If there is anything I can help you with don’t hesitate to reach out to me. I wish you meet your soulmate very soon and begin the most magnificent journey. Sending you Love ~ Evelina

  • Theresa K

    Yes! Next time you find someone, wait to tell them your last name and your website. I’ve had similar reactions from men where the relationship changes once they see how badass you are in business. It’s really sad but I think it’s the healthiest to just wait a few months to share work-related things and try to spread out your dates. 🙂 I also noticed that sharing your phone number too early can be bad news for psycho-stalkers but you can always get a google voice number to avoid being harassed. So sorry this creep-o happened to you!! I’m sure he was sweet, but just got infatuated with how amazing you are. I’m glad you got a taste of the joy of love again. 😉

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