For as long as I can remember, my weight has always been a “thing.” I’ve had moments in my life where I was super skinny, but honestly, that hasn’t been the case for the last 12 years and before that, I was mostly considered “chubby.” While I’ve never carried so much extra weight that it affected my health, somehow it has always been a concern.
Ever since I was a kid, I noticed that my size was drastically different from any person in my family. My mom is a tall, super slim woman who has always been the same thin shape her whole life. My brother is also skinny and on top of that he’s super active and loves working out. And my dad has always been the same, slender and fit.
Then there was me….chubbs. Or at least that’s how I perceived myself. For most of my life, I would endlessly beat myself up about my shape. I would call myself names, put myself down and do some major compare and despair. Can you relate?
Everyone from family to the media is constantly reminding us that thin equals good, happy and positive. Simply put: if you’re not thin, you’re screwed. You won’t get a man, you won’t be happy and sometimes you won’t get the job you really want. Sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it? But if you take a moment to stop and think about the messages we are receiving all the time, it’s incredibly accurate.
Recently, I decided to go on a pretty strict cleanse for my health. I went to a new doctor back in June and was put on the candida diet at the start of September. I am no stranger to these types of cleanses and diets, but I hadn’t really committed to one in a long time. If I am being totally honest, it’s pretty annoying and I dream about gluten-free pizza and red velvet cupcakes often. That said, I am more committed than ever to get to the root of my health issues on a new level.
One of the side effects of this diet? I lost weight. Mind you, this was not the goal for me at all. But it happened.
The funny thing is, I don’t really care and I kind of can’t believe that. If this had happened a couple of years ago, I would have been SO proud of myself and felt a tremendous sense of relief. Finally! I am skinnier and more lovable because I am not so chubbs! (Seriously, it was all I could think about at many points in my life.) But as the weight fell off this past six weeks, all I have noticed is that I am still the same exact person I was 15 pounds heavier.
I am still just as lovable as I was 15 pounds ago. Just as smart, funny, kind, nerdy, hyper, loving and so much more. It wasn’t until I lost the weight that I was able to see how much my inner conversations have truly changed over the years, All this work I keep telling you about and encouraging you to do, let me tell you, it’s truly no joke. It’s real. It’s valuable. And if you commit to taking small right actions everyday as often as possible, one day you’re going to wake up and be amazed at the woman you have become. I know that to be true.
So, if you have that thing you are constantly measuring yourself by, consider this your loving reminder to cut it out. Easier said than done, I know, and it might not happen overnight, but you can start choosing a more loving conversation for yourself right now. You can start getting fed up with how hard you are on yourself and start remembering even just one thing that is down right fabulous about YOU.
The thing that helped me love my body no matter what my weight, was compassion. It wasn’t realistic for me to go from self-loathing to self-love, but I was able to start by having compassion for all that my body has been through and love it from that place at the beginning. It was so helpful.
Now, I want to hear from you, my love. I am so honored to be on this journey with you and I think the more we create an open discussion, the more we will all heal. So let me know in the comments below, is there something that you are ready to stop beating yourself up about? Is there an area that you still need more guidance with? I got you, just leave a comment and we’ll be in this together. Lots of love!
Comments
Brandi 10/09/16
I adore you for many reasons, Nitika, and the sentiments expressed in this post give me reason more to love you. I am SO with you on this too! I’ve struggled with my body image and weight nearly all of my adult life, noticing as a teenager that my body wasn’t like the other girls: I was thicker, which in my head equated to fat. In reality, I simply have a more athletic, muscular body type. My calves are never going to be small enough to fit into most boots, but they’re strong and muscular and I adore them. I’ve had to change my diet too, to really maximize how my body processes food. It loves proteins, feels lethargic after too much gluten, is anxious if I have too much sugar or processed foods, feels hungover from fried foods. I’m learning every day, and I’m being gentle with myself. And most importantly, I’m really embracing my curves, the softness of my body, the strength of my body. My biggest task now as I continue to embrace my body is to stand in my power and allow myself to desire what I do and not feel like I have to change to accommodate others — not my body, not my opinions, not my actions.
Nitika 10/09/16
Brandi, I have tears in my eyes from reading your post. Thank you. For your honesty, your vulnerability but more than anything, thank you for having the courage to love yourself more. It is not easy work, but it is world-changing. And it’s beautiful, just like you my love. So much gratitude for you angel xx
Lisa 10/09/16
Thank you! For your honesty and insight.
I recently lost quite a bit of weight because I’ve honestly had years of depression and
Just like that one day I was just done with it. Tired of being sick and tired. However what I’ve noticed above all was that I’m the same person! I want and feel the same. I didn’t change. But suddenly I’ve had men asking me out. And it makes me sad for them. Because I’m the same. I knew them then, why didn’t they ask? I am the same. Look what they missed. Now they are flattering me Nd it’s falling on deaf ears. Because all I wanted was for someone to seeee and not be ignored. But now I see that the outside is all they worried about. And that’s very sad for them. I’m so much more. We all are so much more.
Nitika 10/09/16
Hi Lisa! I totally get this, because when I was dealing with my psoriasis for many years I felt so invisible and once it was gone people would say things like “oh my gosh i never realized how pretty you are!” It’s crazy. However, I did realize that my job was to have compassion for THEM too. To have compassion for their limitations, their fears, their discomfort, because at the end of the day it’s all valid. I hear you, so much. Hope this helps + sending so much love your way.
Savvy 10/09/16
I so totally relate. I am on a path to losing weight. And yes I beat myself up for not being 20 pounds less. The “I am not enough” resonates thru my mind. I am thankful for many things I do well,–walking, yoga, connecting with others, sharing my inner most thoughts, my church family, my relationships with my 3 grown children and my grandchildren. There are many positives about my life–my significant other, Richard, is really a great guy. Yet, I continue to beat myself up. When will there be a Valentine’s Day when I feel I can eat chocolate? I totally think the media is AWFUL to us women. And I know when I lose the weight my body will be healthier. Yet I need to address the constant disrespect I give to myself with my internal dialogue. I am becoming more conscious…and trying to become more kind to ME.
Nitika 10/09/16
Hi Savvy, wow, I so feel everything you wrote. I can feel how diligent you are being with trying to incorporate gratitude in every moment. That’s helped me a lot and often times it’s all I have. I know you’re still working on letting go of the negative self-talk but I just want you to know that you are doing GREAT. I can feel it. Keep it up love. xx
Valerie 10/09/16
Hi and thanks for this timely article. I too have struggled with my weight for what seems like forever and I too have come to place where I know I need to take the weight off but I see it as a by-product of being healthy and as fit as possible. I’m so sick of berating my body for having the extra weight, I’m so tired of having it be the reason why things don’t work out. I’m so sick of being mean to me and conditionally loving myself. It’s over and it ends today, I am such a beautiful girl, inside and out and I just want to be happy. I recently made a lot of big life changes, I am putting me first and am about to embark on my new wellness regime in my new home tomorrow. It’s part of the total cleanse and package. I just want to be happy in this body everyday. And I want to be fit and healthy. I work in show business so I know the message received is ALL about the weight and size. Plus I am in peri-menopause and I refuse to be part of the statistic that says – you can’t get the weight off so find a way to live with it. So, please know I am supporting you in your endeavors via cyberspace and I would appreciate the same from you. Thanks for listening. Blessings to you! Valerie
Nitika 10/09/16
Hi Valerie! Thank you for sharing where you are at. I can feel you through your words, and I am so proud of you just for TRYING. A lot of times just starting feels impossible for most people, so the fact that you are taking so much action and trying with all you’ve got it absolutely amazing. I hope you will continue to work on including compassion in your day with your thoughts because that will help ease things over time. I smiled so much when I read “I am such a beautiful girl” because I can feel that from you. You are beautiful and worthy and pretty magnificent. I will be sending you blessings and support and I look forward to being on this journey with you from here on out. Lots of love xx
Blair 10/09/16
Thank you for being so vulnerable in this post! I can totally relate to the being hard on yourself part–still working on that one!
Nitika 10/09/16
Yes yes we all still have things to work on for sure! Lots of love xx
Claudia A. 10/09/16
I think that you are very special now and then. You are so darn cute and feminine. I love that you are real and a great example for young women and older women (me included). Thank you for sharing in such an authentic way.
Nitika 10/10/16
You’re so welcome, Claudia! Thank you for your kind words. Sending lots of love your way xx
Michele 10/10/16
Thanks so much for sharing this Nitika! I can certainly relate and so appreciate you opening up and reminding us to treat ourselves with compassion. 🙂
Nitika 10/10/16
So glad this was relatable Michele! We are all in this together. Lots of love xx
Robyn 10/11/16
I just read what you wrote and I am experiencing something similar in a different way.The fashion pages has us believing what beauty is followed by what beauty was back to today what it is.The sports illustrated model who was gorgeous was in thr media for a blink of the eye.I believe that ehen your on a special diet and focusing on the “feeling better” we see ourselves differently because the focus is off the “looking thinner” and on thr interior of feeling better.
I had been ill for a long time and people would say you look amazing.Mran while I was so ill and could barely walk and in severe pain but sitting still dressed and with makeup it was a camouflage to what my reality was.I saw myself as I was sick.I’m thrilled that youare feeling better and your side effect is you love yourself more.Nothing truly matters more thenergy to be healthy.Thr diets today are strategic to get thin bodies but they are damaging in the long run.Thank You for sharing your journey.I have followed you for almost a half century and always saw your smiling big and the confident beauty to what you do and the lives you touch. ^))
Nitika 10/11/16
This is such a beautiful share, thank you Robyn! It’s so incredible how similar our journeys are…when I was super sick I was a size 00 and 99 lbs, everyone kept saying I looked great but I have never been more sick in my life. I am so happy to see that you have figured out so much of this discussion on your own already. Sending you lots of love + thank you for supporting my work for so long! xx
Alyssa Cesarini 10/11/16
Wow! You’re a beauty for sure, inside and out. I remember when I first met you and your energy and spirit is what gives you this limitless presence and its innate. You’re gorgeous and it’s effortless…I too struggle with body image and as I get older, everyday gets better and I love me more and more because of staying inspired by others like you and true to myself. Thanks love ❤️ Xoxo
Nitika 10/11/16
That’s so sweet Alyssa! I remember when I first met you too. You’re such a beautiful bright light! Thank you for your sweet comment, lots of love! xx
Rebecca 10/11/16
Your beauty has nothing to do with the size of your body. We live in a fat-phobic society based on the dominant patriarchal culture that exists today and both men and women have bought into it. The weight loss industry (think WW and the like) in 2015 was $6.3 billion in revenue. That is billion! Women are wise, wise, wise and we’ve been taught not to trust ourselves. We’ve been taught that we must follow strict eating plans in order to be “healthy.” A particularly healthy eating pattern for one person may be disastrous pattern for another. Our bodies are not machines so while similar we are all wonderfully individual. We get to decide what is healthy for our own bodies and that includes how to nourish it physically, mentally and spiritually. It includes how to move it and who to move it with (if you catch my meaning!). I caution against strict cleanses, because they set up and reinforce the diet culture that is not based on health (though they try to co-opt it!) and they teach us to distrust our naturally beautiful bodies no matter what size they are! We need to focus on our tender hearts and souls just as much as on our bodies and learn how to care and treat our Whole Selves.
Nitika 10/11/16
Amen Rebecca! I love this so much, and you said it all so beautifully. Women are wise, and that certainly includes you. Lots of love and thanks for sharing your perspective xx
Kelly 10/14/16
Such an awesome, beautiful post! I am working everyday to fully love myself and posts like these help so much! You are a beautiful person inside and out! Thank you for this! I read some of the comments and your responses. I came across one where you mentioned having psoriasis, can I ask what helped heal it? I have had it in my scalp and cant get rid of it! Thank you!! 🙂
Nitika 10/14/16
So glad this was a helpful post Kelly! I love that you are working on loving YOU everyday. That’s amazing!! Yes, I have had psoriasis for 25 years and am always trying new things to help keep it at bay. I have a FREE guide where I breakdown some of the aspects of psoriasis and living with it. You can download that here: http://nitikachopra.wpengine.com/offerings/get-the-guide
I am not a doctor so I can’t really give out medical advice, but the number one thing that helps me with my skin is being mindful of what I eat. I talk about that a little bit in the guide. Hope it helps! Lots of love xx
Marisa 10/15/16
Hi
Really loved this post! It baffles me how much you disliked your appearance because you are so incredibly beautiful!
I’m confused why you think the messages we receive are ” incredibly accurate”?
I think I may have to go on the candida diet due to my health, I was put on it as a child and dread the idea of going back so the fact that you have stuck to it is very inspiring!
Thank you for sharing so openly
Much love
Marisa. Xx
Nitika 10/16/16
So glad you liked this post Marisa! And thanks for the kind words 🙂
To clarify, I didn’t mean the messages were accurate. I meant that it’s accurate that we are getting bombarded by these negative messages. Sorry if that was confusing!
Lots of love + thanks for commenting! xx