February 9, 2018

On Mornings When My Heart Is Broken, I Do This.

On the mornings when my heart is broken, I take things slow. I was sitting in my apartment this week loving myself through a broken heart and I realized that there is a whole different rhythm when my heart is aching and broken.  I don’t open up to you guys that much about my romantic relationships because it’s honestly so personal to me and I prefer to keep certain things private. I plan to still do that (for now) but I also want you to know the truth about what I have been facing in my life because I know that if I am going through it, one of you might be too.

After dealing with a devastating heartbreak over the holidays, I realized that the pain I feel in my heart when a relationship ends is very similar to the pain I felt all those years when my body was breaking down. It’s part of what inspired me to write this post about facing your pain and how it’s such a super power.

Emotional pain and physical pain are different but when you’re in the middle of either of these feelings they can often feel exactly the same.

On the mornings when my heart is broken I do one of these five  things to love myself through it.

* Call a friend and let them know what’s up, which helps me feel less alone and tap into the love that is around me.

* I pray. Like sometimes for a full hour before I can start my day. My recent heartbreak was a beautiful reminder of how far away I had gotten from my spiritual practice and reconnecting with God has been a total gift. I just need to get it all out and know that God is my homeboy and has my back.

* I let myself lay in bed for just a little bit longer than I normally do. Taking the pressure off having to show up ASAP brings relief to my cells.

* I force myself to make a nourishing breakfast. And I say “force” intentionally because I have noticed that one of the first things to go when I am broken hearted (for whatever reason) is my desire to nourish myself. I stop eating, stop cooking and stop making healthy choices with food.

* I listen to something inspiring and supportive because chances are pretty good that the thoughts in my head are pretty brutal. Often it’s a YouTube video from Matt Kahn like this one, or this Brene Brown talk and of course Super Soul Conversations from our girl Oprah is a great podcast on Spotify.

The moral of the story here loves? Being gentle with yourself, taking life super slow and loving yourself through your pain is the absolute kindest thing you could do for yourself right now.  If you’re anything like me, kindness and heartbreak don’t really go hand-in-hand as it’s usually an invitation to beat myself up. I did a lot of that over the last couple of months as I was trying to make sense of all that happened in my love life.

But you know what? I am SO not committed to staying there and I know that you aren’t either. So whether you’re body is showing up in a way that is super frustrating or you’re scared you won’t be able to pay all those medical bills you have or that guy just broke your heart, just know that you have something that is incredibly valuable that no one can take away from you. You have YOU. Your strength, your wisdom, your courage. YOU.

So now I would love to hear what’s going on in your life and what reading this blog has brought up for you. Leave me a comment below and let me know what you do on the mornings when your heart is broken or if one of my suggestions resonated with you! Love you so much sweet things. You got this.

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Comments

  • Asha

    Sorry to hear about how youre feeling. I have been there..too many times. I say continue to acknowledge your feelings. Give yourself time to heal. Learn from this past relationship (the good and bad) and in time all will heal. Xx

    • Nitika

      Thanks for the love! I am actually feeling so good and really strong now, but there’s still a lot of residual stuff to work through from lifelong stuff. Sending you so much love! <3

  • Helena Lundgren

    I feel sad on certain comments on paintings with symbols or pieces that are wery meaningful for me.

    I sit and feel this inner world i paint from. Its a very fine and lovely free time from childhood. I was lonely then and made my own world. It’s my language. but I give her free and to stand for my creations. And maybe I can tell my story (life) in a different story. And being slow and being loving towards myself. I will cleanse myself.

    You can choose Love in every situation. Its such wonderful reminder,

    • Nitika

      Thank you so much for this comment Helena, I can feel your heart through your words. Sending you so much love on your beautiful journey xx

  • Rich Keller

    Love Love Love Brene Brown. She has changed the course of my life.
    Keep inspiring us Nitika. Your vulnerability is a breath of fresh air.
    When I am down and need a dose of reality, I think about how grateful I am to have 2 spectacular children – Samantha (17) and Zach (20) and an amazing wife who is healthy and cancer-free for 7 years.
    You are ADORED by everyone that knows you.

    • Nitika

      That is so so sweet Rich – thank you! And it brings so much joy to my heart that your wife is 7 years cancer free. YES!!! Sending you and your family so much love xx

  • Cookie

    Nitika.. I moved out of country with my wife.. left everything and everyone that was family and home.. two weeks after arriving.. she comes home and says we’re done.. and did not want to talk about it.. the shock was .. I have no words.. it’s complicated.. we have children.. so I told her it would take me a year to prepare them for my departure.. they are young.. I promised God when they were each born.. I would sacrifice my happiness for their well being.. I don’t believe in making children a wishing bone.. for a year every night they would wake and sleep with me.. I have always been the 24/7 mom.. their other mom is a nurse and away 14 hours on a work day.. I’m imprinted on them.. on my IG account I have pics and stories of them.. I lost the ability to talk for two months except to them.. I couldn’t bring words out of my mouth to even closest friends.. I still have shared custody but not phsical custody.. I miss them with every breath.. they were here last month and we do summer vacation.. it’s as tho my heart has shattered in a 1000 pieces.. lying at my feet.. I’ve reached down to touch one of those shards.. jagged and sharp.. first with one finger.. then I picked it up.. put that piece in my other hand..started loving on it.. then I put that one piece back in its rightful place.. when I’m ready I’ll reach for the next piece.. sending you my love and blessings as we both mend our hearts..❣️

    • Nitika

      Wow Cookie what a powerful story, I can only imagine what that level of heartbreak must feel like. Your strength is incredible and I am truly inspired by you. Thank you for commenting! Sending you so much love xx

      • Cookie

        Life has such dualities.. it’s not even the highs and lows for me now but how I navigate thru them.. yeah I’m pretty fractured but every lesson is bringing to my next level.. I am in total gratitude for this journey.. there are two amazing young men walking this earth now.. and in a heartbeat would do it all over again.. knowing the outcome beforehand..continue blessings Nitika on your journey.. sending much love ????

  • Ava McCoy

    I needed this. I know my health struggles really ramped up after Damien (my boyfriend of 5 years) passed in 2014. I think it triggered much of my internal battle (my body attacking itself) and I couldn’t eat, I didn’t care about myself. I took care of my kids and went to work and absolutely neglectedmyself.

    • Nitika

      Oh Ava that sounds incredibly painful and challenging. I’m glad that this blog resonated with you and I hope you’re finding small ways to walk yourself back to Love and kindness through everything you’ve been through. Sending you so much love xx

  • Tatiana

    I listened to a podcast you were on today and followed you on Instagram right after. I am so thankful that I happened upon this blog post when I did. I am going through a hard breakup right now and reading that someone else is going through the same thing allowed me to feel connected again. Thank you for being brave enough to share your story ????

    • Nitika

      Oh wow Tatiana I’m so glad we found each other! Clearly, I totally get what you’re going through. So sorry your heart is hurting. Sending you so much love. You are most certainly not alone xxx

  • Lee

    Hi Nitika <3

    I'm 21 years old and I just got my heart broken.We were together for 2 years, it was a controlling relationship and sometimes toxic. I thought it was normal, I thought love was accepting someones flaws, compromising, changing yourself for the better. It wasn't until the end of our relationship that I realized this boy made me change but not for the better, he made me change to be what he wanted, and this left me feeling so lost and confused. I lost who I was because I changed everything about me because I loved him. It breaks my heart because I always thought love was everything, love is suppose to conquer all right? As the weeks go by, I'm learning that love isn't always enough, and that love is different with each person that comes in your life. I remind myself that love can be anything depending on the person. I don't know if I will ever believe that love conquers all, I don't know if I can ever love again. It makes me sad to think that because one day I want to love someone, I want to share my life with someone and have a connection but is that just a dream? I know that God put him in my life for a purpose and vice versa and I'm very thankful for that, but its so heart breaking. I'm waiting for the hurt to go away. Everyday it gets better, time heals..
    Deep down in my soul I know that him dumping me was the best thing that has happened to me.. I'm heart broken and sad, but I'm excited about all the new possibilities, I feel so free. I'm excited about the journey of finding myself and being who I'm meant to be, I'm excited about being selfish, for putting myself first, for thinking of only me and my life. This feeling is so new and confusing and exciting. I can't put words together to describe it.
    When I found you this morning, I was sad, I didn't want to get out of bed, but I knew that I needed to do something, something positive to start my day and feel better. It was a podcast about breakups and then I looked you up and found your site. You talked about about your heart ache and vision boards. You are so inspiring and have such a beautiful soul. I read a few of your blog posts and I really wanted to reach out to you. Thank you so much, reading your posts is what my soul needs, positivity, hope, inspiration, and truth. Thank you thank you thank you <3

    • Nitika

      Oh my gosh Lee, thank you so much for your beautiful vulnerability and honesty. I have SO been there and I have felt this pain you are in so many times throughout my life. The thing I hear in your comment is that you are honestly doing incredibly well, even if it feels horrible. I hear your commitment to positivity and wanting the best for yourself and I also hear that you are still letting yourself feel your feelings. THAT is the journey. Life will not come without pain, it is how we navigate those painful moments that counts and you are doing it beautifully. I promise. I am so glad you found me here and I am excited to be on this journey with you. Lots of love xx

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