April 1, 2017

A Sobering Realization About My Work

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Last week I was sitting with my therapist and started to open up to her about where I am at with my work. I explained that I still feel completely connected to the big, bold and beautiful dreams that I have always had within me.  The dreams of building a self-love empire where I sell products that represent tangible self-love, that I have books published which support people on their self-love journey and possibly have an app and some relationship to media sprinkled in between.  It’s been the dream for as long as I knew what dreams were and for the past seven years of building my business I have been taking steps towards that dream.  My desire to have my own Talk Show was rooted in this bigger future vision. My excitement about working with the luxury skincare brand Fresh and being on QVC always felt like an even bigger deal because I knew I was that much closer to where I wanted to be.  I was always planning, pushing, leaping and pushing some more.  It was also completely normal to be in this high-energy forward movement all the time as practically everyone I knew was doing the same.  They were launching programs, coaching thousands of people in courses, publishing books and getting TV shows to star in.  My community is no joke when it comes to achieving greatness so naturally I was in good company and it all felt completely comfortable and normal (whatever that means).

Until about the middle of 2016 where everything changed for me.  There are so many layers to this change that I still haven’t fully figured out yet, but today I wanted to share a small piece of it all in the hopes that it might help you with whatever shifts you’ve been experiencing lately as well.  2016 was a challenging year for so many reasons, but it isn’t always completely clear why or how.  Sure we can say it’s all because of the political climate or maybe there were one or two big things that brought your vibe down.  But in truth, I find that 2016 was challenging for me because it brought me to my knees in every area of my life.  What I was left with was a sobering grip on what’s real. Not what’s possible, not what I want to magically manifest as I have for years and not even what I want to put on my vision board.  What is REAL.  What is TRUE.  When I write that now, it sounds exciting to have so much truth in my life but as it was happening it was completely brutal.

I had to get real about my finances. I had to get real about my health. I had to get real about my relationships. And I had to get real about my career. Every time I tried to push my life forward in one of these areas as I always have, I got pushed back into what’s real.

Where my career is concerned, I have found that what’s real for me is that I want to help people. That’s what has always been the driving force with everything that I do, but somewhere in between I got caught-up in the high of achievement.  Does that make sense?  There is such a high when you complete a task or accomplish a goal that before you know it your whole life can become about when you’re going to get “high” next and your connection to the present becomes fleeting and at times even insignificant.  Woah.  I just read that back to myself and felt exhaustion in my cells.  The only thing is that I still have this major goals and dreams, so how do I achieve them if I am not chasing the high or pushing everything forward in every moment?

I am a big believer that clarity is the key to everything in life and with this dilemma it is no different.  What if I just wrote to you, from my heart, because I simply just want to help and share my truth with you? Not to grow my list, not to get more followers and not to become a wellness rocstar.  I am used to writing you because I have something greater pushing me to do so but now, it’s just all different.  I could also say the same for posting on Instagram or creating events for my community.  What if it was all just about love and healing and not about becoming a major wellness mogul?

I have always spoken from my heart and been committed to being as authentic as possible, so I am not saying that I have been manipulating with my work ever since the start. Not even close!  But my loves, if we are meant to truly own who we are, go inward and be on a spiritual journey, then there is always much more to do where authenticity and truth are concerned.

So now it’s your turn.  Where have you been chasing the “high” in life and not allowing yourself to be fully grounded in the truth of this very moment?  Is it with men?  Or maybe with finances and chasing paychecks?  There are so many ways we all do this.  So today I ask you to take a few deep breathes and reflect on this for yourself, then share it with me in the comments below.  I always love hearing from you and knowing that we are on this self-love journey together. Love you. So much.

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Comments

  • Samantha Brown

    Keep shining bright, Nitika! You continue to be an inspiration <3

  • Brooke

    First off, thank you. Thank you for your honesty & vulnerability with us. I can’t tell you how inspiring it is for me to read your words & then be able to use your words to uncover my own truth and see what’s absolutely real for me.

    2016 was tough for me too….on all levels. The first area 2016 brought me to my knees was in the area of my health. I finally got a formal diagnosis of chronic fatigue syndrome. I’d been dealing with these symptoms for so many years, so it was a relief despite how utterly crappy I felt. Because 2016 I was truly at my worst physically.

    But, the area which maybe had the most awakening is my emotional sphere. Because the “high” I was chasing has always been the high of approval….the high of following someone else’s dreams for me….the high of being someone else instead of being who I truly was. This high led me to lose all connection to myself & my own goal setting in general. I’ve been everything to everyone else—law student, country gal, corporate professional, homeowner, etc. etc. Now, as I’ve begun the process of healing my chronic fatigue, I’m working on gaining strength & clarity. And it’s so uncomfy not knowing what my own dreams for the future are. I’m used to taking on everyone else’s–my parents, my former boyfriends, even my best friends. And being so uncomfortable I want to cling to anything other than the truth of where I am in this very moment.

    But, I’m choosing to be uncomfortable. I’m choosing to own this truth–I don’t know what I want right now. I’m realizing I am my own person. I do have career & life dreams locked away inside which are wanting to come out. But, I’m just not sure what they are yet 😉 I have started a gluten free waffle blog, posting daily angel cards on my IG, and sharing my feelings with a coach & a medical intuitive. I’m sitting in this discomfort, knowing it won’t last forever (even though it admittedly feels like it!!!!), and not knowing where my business goals/life will take me. We are in this together. Sending you so much love this morning. Thank you for being you & for always encouraging us to be real in this moment. Have a great Sunday! So excited for you to have your writing mojo back…I’ve been missing my weekly emails ????

    • Nitika

      Brooke!! Wow. Your comment is so powerful in so many ways. First off, you are SO brave!!! I have totally been there with my health and it is an incredible catalyst for the TRUTH no matter how much we wish it wasn’t. It sounds like you are taking the messages that your body is giving you and really listening. That’s amazing love!! Also, thank you for your kind words, when I read that you missed my weekly emails my heart burst a little, like, really!? I will try to be more active and write more, I love being with all of you each week. Lots of love!! xx

  • Tesia

    Nitika, thank you for this honest blog post. I can definitely relate, and your words are a great reminder to always approach my work first and foremost from a place of service. Thanks again.

    • Nitika

      You are so welcome! Thank you for letting me know it was helpful Tesia. It means the world to me. Sending you (and your work) so so so much love xxx

  • Jennifer

    Authenticity. Vulnerability. Kindness. Three words that describe your gifts (and simultaneously what the world needs more of!). A deep bow to you on this path of embracing your truth. Thank you for always sharing your voice. I look forward to hearing more of it!

    • Nitika

      Oh darling Jenn that is just the sweetest thing! Thank you so much for always inspiring (and encouraging) me. It means the world!!!! Couldn’t love you more xxx

  • Colleen Cleary

    Hi Beautiful!

    It’s so good to hear from you again. As always I look forward to hearing what’s on your mind. I connect strongly with what you wrote about in getting caught up in chasing the “high” with each step you achieve towards your goals. I find that it’s easy for me to get caught up in pushing hard because of my fear that’s attached to my financial stability. I got into health coaching for several reasons including my own transformation when working with my own coach, the joy of teaching and helping others and the goal of financial freedom. I just turned 50 last month and have always had to rely on a partner for financial support. Over time it’s caused me fear and finding myself stuck in unhealthy relationships. I try to remember something I heard once about focusing on doing what you love and everything else will fall into place. So now I continue to look for balance between being authentic in my work and being smart with my finances. I believe there’s a way to do both but I still have plenty to learn!
    Wishing you all the best!
    xo
    Colleen

    • Nitika

      Colleen!! Your commented totally melted my heart, thank you for sharing yourself here! You seem to be so on the right track as awareness is half of it and you’ve got that down for sure. I feel big things for you Colleen, just keep going!!! Sending you so much love xxx

  • Wilhelmine (from Norway)

    This post illustrates what separates you from many other “wellness” people with similar platforms (although many of them are great!) You speak the TRUTH, and you are really really honest and show your vulnerability. Thank you so much for this. We do live in the world where we have to get by, and it is amazing how a lot of people have created businesses for themselves doing things that are aligned with their values, and have a purpose to serve. However, a post like this is just so refreshing, as it describes that sometimes there are some greyzones that appear in doing the work, where even the greatest intentions can be a bit muddled with being “bigger”, getting more followers etc. Again, it was just really refreshing to your read your thoughts on this. I send a lot of love all the way from a Norwegian in Norway ❤️

    • Nitika

      This is so sweet, thank you so much for taking the time to let me know how this blog touched you!! It truly means so much to me. And yes, the other wellness industry leaders are amazing in their own ways for sure. Definitely not knocking them, more just owning my own struggles. Sending so much love your way + thank you for stopping by the blog!! xx

  • Dani

    I can certainly relate to this as I too figure out how to juggle between sharing what I truly enjoy and play “the game” of “building a brand.” This is truly a beautiful reminder that the truth definitely trumps the game. It feels a whole lot better, and undoubtedly leads to its own wins.

    Thank you for sharing. I’m excited to see what’s next for you.

    • Nitika

      Dani it’s so great to see you here! And yes, I love that, Truth certainly trumps the games. It always comes to the surface in the end anyway but why not just follow our hearts and make it a little easier on ourselves, right? 🙂 Sending you so much love Dani!! xx

  • Nikka

    We are all on our journey of self-discovery. I stumbled onto this quote on Pinterest, “Maybe the journey is not so much about becoming anything, Maybe it’s about unbecoming everything that really isn’t you, so you can be who you were really meant to be in the first place.” This made me ask myself, “Who am I really?” I always thought I was being myself…learning & growing…becoming a better version of myself. I thought that change was a good thing. I thought I was aligned with my truth, then why do I feel discord sometimes? My own worst enemy is self-doubt. My truth has so many contradictions. I do believe I am a strong, fierce & independent woman, but there are times when I do feel weak, needy & insecure. Can we be both? Maybe it’s not about figuring out your true authentic self, it’s about being true to who you are at the moment. I am learning to bring out more of what I feel in my heart & soul.

    • Nitika

      Nikka, your words are truly beautiful. I love this quote and I couldn’t agree with you more. I believe that it IS about being true to who we are in the moment. That it’s all true and valid and powerful and shaky and everything in between. You have inspired me, I might need to write a blog about that duality in particular. So amazing. Sending lots of love your way! xxx

  • Todd

    Amazing piece. I have been in a similar mindset since last year. This completely helped put my feelings into perspective.

    • Nitika

      Todd, thank you for commenting and letting me know this was helpful! It means a lot. Sending you love and wishing for continued clarity for you on your journey xx

  • Ryan

    I definitely have been doing this in my day job, chasing the highs in large part because going down that path helped me ignore the harder work of finding my purpose and doing work that I felt was impactful. Now I’ve done some deep work with the help of the Desire Map and I’m focusing on how I want to feel each and every day because I realize now that when I focus on how I want to feel that’s where my truth lies. It is a daily effort to do this but such a more rewarding way to live I think. Great post!

    • Nitika

      I am so glad to hear that you are taking on that deeper work Ryan. It’s SO important and it gives us gifts like we could have never even imagined. Thank you for sharing yourself with me here, I love hearing from you! Sending you so much love xx

  • Kim

    Nitika,

    Thank you so much for this post! It’s so true and relate-able! I absolutely love your writing because it’s from the heart and vulnerable. I always relate to pieces of it and I admire you for this! You are a role model to me and I cannot wait to re-post your blogs! I’ll be bugging you soon! Thank you and keep writing….you are such an inspiration!

    Kim

    • Nitika

      Thank you so much Kim! Always sending you so much love and I appreciate the love you send me right back!! xx

      • Kim

        I know Nitika and I always feel your love! 🙂 Myself and a few friends are actually going through aspects of this right now…I would love to re-post this on my social media for them to see. Do I have your permission to do that?
        Thanks sweetie…Kim

        • Nitika

          Het sweetie! You never have to ask to share my blogs, it’s a JOY to have you share them. The more that share the merrier and it honestly means the world to me. So, thank you! xx

          • Kim

            Thank you Nitika! I can’t wait! The world needs to hear from more people like you:) Thanks again! Have a beautiful week! xoxo

          • Nitika

            Thanks darling, you too!!! xxx

  • Bianca

    Thank you beautiful<3 You are awesome! This spoke to me!
    Being present is so important.
    Knowing that your reality is now and not at any other moment.
    It gets harder to love yourself when you are trying to accomplish so many goals
    & all of them or happening at once or none of them are happening at all.

    Much Love,
    Bianca

    • Nitika

      So beautifully said, thank you for sharing this Bianca! xx

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