As many of you know, I recently lost my sweet angel, Bella; my 9.5 year old Teacup Yorkie. The grieving process has been really interesting and I will definitely write more on that later. For now, I brought in my friend (the lovely lady in the blue dress below) who was one of our amazing partners at the Self-Love Celebration this past summer to talk about her story of grieving. This might seem like a strange topic to discuss during such a cheerful time of year, but as many of you know the holidays can bring up feelings of loss and grief. So we hope this helps any of you who may be going through a tough time.
Divorce is devastating. It is the end of who you thought you were going to be- the wife of so-and so. It is the end of the life you thought you were going to have. There is finality to it, a feeling of sadness, failure and anger, knowing that things did not turn out the way you had hoped or planned.
As you process what is happening, you literally have to go through all of the stages of grieving that Elisabeth Kubler-Ross identifies when you lose a loved one. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.
Through all of these stages, I cried so many tears. For the loss of my relationship, for my young children, and for the pain I felt as a child when parents got divorced. I did not want my children to go through the pain that I did during my own childhood. It was very intentional to protect them from my pain as well the typical scenarios that angry husbands and wives put their innocent kids through.
I keep it together in front of them, but deep down inside, I was a mess. I was in so much agony. And it brought up all the painful feeling I’d had over the years. Over the loss of a child who lived for eight weeks in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. I then the fear I carried when I carried two more children during high-risk pregnancies.
The fallout from all of this grief was a broken spirit; a woman wounded with so much anger from life’s circumstances. I felt like a victim and couldn’t get out of my own way.
As a child, I knew I was flawless, that I was powerful, and that anything was possible. I was connected to myself, to the present moment, and to others, effortlessly. But, then, that all changed for me.
Was it my parent’s divorce?
Was it my own?
I lost sight of who I really was. I traveled far from home.
Home means arriving at who I was, without the labels, without the roles, without the stuff. It certainly means being happy despite all that happened in my life.
I found my way home to my soul by working consistently with an energy healer. It helped me so much that I realized this was my soul’s purpose and I learned to become a conduit of healing myself.
From working on myself as well as on my clients, I have three go-to practices that really helped me on my journey back home and I recommend them to everyone.
1) Self-care is essential! Every single day, I did something healing just for me. I was mindful that this was my time to take for myself to feel better. My favorite self-care healing practice is an Epsom salt bath.
Benefit of Epsom Salt Bath: Clears your aura and increases health and vitality
Time: 20 minutes
How to do it:
- Fill your bath with warm (not too hot) water.
- Use 2-3 cups of Epsom or Himalayan crystal salt. Do no use table salt!
- Add a few drops of pure essential oil, such as lavender, to help you unwind and relax.
- Set the intention to let go of all negative energy. Soak for about 20 minutes. You can light candles or listen to soft music to enhance the experience.
- Drain the tub while staying in. Feel as if all of the negativity is leaving you and going down the drain.
- Take a quick shower to rinse off the salt. See the shower water as white light further clearing your aura.
- Enjoy the feeling of vibrancy and lightness!
2) Your words create your reality. I used to tell the same horrible stories about my life over and over again and always sounded like a victim. When I kept telling the same negative stories, I literally was marinating in my feelings of anger, fear, guilt and resentment. My body, mind and spirit couldn’t differentiate whether or not the story was in the past or happening in real time. So, I learned to tell a different story.
Benefit of Telling a Different Story: Instantly takes you out of that stuck place and transports you to the place you want to be
Time: 1-5 minutes
How to do it: Say what you want your reality to be.
Instead of saying, “That relationship was a waste of time,” try instead, “Every relationship is valuable and taught me lessons I needed to learn.”
Instead of saying, “I am trying so had to meet someone,” try instead “Whomever is meant to be mine, will find his way to me.”
Instead of saying, “I am such a failure at having or finding a loving relationship,” try instead, “I love myself right now and am worthy of a wonderful, romantic relationship.”
3) Throughout my grieving and healing process, I shed a lot of tears! The best (and fastest way) to clear the negative energy of the emotional release of sadness, anger, and blame is to burn sage. People have smudged since ancient times to cleanse and purify themselves, objects and homes. Smudging is a very easy way to dispel negative energy very quickly.
This practice instantly makes you feel lighter because the smoke from the sage pulls out the heavy and dense energy out of your aura.
Benefit of Burning Sage: Clears negative energy
Time: 1-5 minutes
How to do it:
- You will need a fireproof container, a bundle of sage, matches and something to fan the smoke (a postcard works fine).
- Light the sage with a wooden match, and then blow out the flame. Allow the smoke to rise up out of the container as the sage smolders. Set the intention of the clearing by saying, “May all negative energy be released. I invite only positive energy to remain.”
- Disperse the smoke throughout your energy field by starting in the front of your body at your feet.
- Move in an upward motion, moving the sage back and forth in front of you, from your feet all the way up over your head. Make sure you keep the sage burning over the fireproof container!
- Safely extinguish the embers of the burning sage or allow it to burn itself it.
And like every other loss, I got through it and found a way to acceptance. It wasn’t easy but I wouldn’t be where I am today. I am in my own business and helping so many other people. I also am in a loving relationship with a wonderful man. If I didn’t go through all of these traumas, I wouldn’t have the empathy and compassion for others going through their own pain. I know it wasn’t the easiest path, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything because it taught me so much.
Now, we’d love to hear from you. Are you going through a challenging time? If so, what in this article resonated with you? If you’ve already moved through a really difficult situation, what tools did you use to cope? Please share with us in the comments below.