When my friends decided to throw me a birthday party this year, I felt incredibly blessed. I mean, someone going out of their way to plan a special evening for you is a serious act of love. I knew this to be true intellectually. But I quickly noticed that I wasn’t experiencing much emotion about it.
If you’ve been following me for a while, you know that I’m really passionate about self-love (I’ve been called a self-love guru for pete’s sake!), and I’ve made huge strides in loving myself more and more over the years. But if I’m being really honest with myself (and you), the thought of someone loving me and taking care of me is uncomfortable.
The morning after my birthday party, I woke up feeling extremely guilty. It made me realize I still have work to do–that there are barriers present to my own self-love. Of course, I could go through all of the reasons why I have issues with receiving. But instead, I decided to practice receiving so that I can transform this area of my life instead of analyzing it.
Now, when someone gives me a compliment, I’m learning to practice simply saying thank you, and to catch myself anytime I want to deflect, make a joke, or tell the person “no way, that’s not true.”
I’m beginning to allow people to show up for me and do nice things for me. Recently, my friend Stefan invited me over for breakfast. If I wasn’t being conscious, I would have easily told him “no, it’s totally fine. I’ll bring us breakfast.” But instead I let him make me a delicious batch of gluten-free chocolate chip pancakes. And it was so worth it!
Slowly (very slowly) but surely, things are shifting and I’m getting used to this whole receiving love thing. I’ve been making a conscious effort to be gentle with myself in the process, forgiving myself often, and building my awareness around those old patterns. It’s been an incredibly humbling experience and one I wanted to share. Because I’m sure you can relate.
I’d love to hear what your experience has been with receiving–whether it’s compliments, affection, or recognition. What do you usually do to deflect other people’s love or kind words? Please share your experiences in the comments below so that we can all benefit from your unique point of view.