3 Ways to Start Believing You’re Beautiful

August 19, 2015 Beauty, Lifestyle

Today’s blog post is very special because … it was written by my very dear friend Crystal Cave! Crystal is kind of a big deal. Not only has she been a stylist to some serious A-listers and stellar brands (Taylor Swift, Kate Upton, and Nike to name a few), but she’s also the founder of xoCrystalCave.com and is creator of Not So Skinny Style School. She hones her incredible talents to help everyday women realize that impeccable style has no size!

Her post is all about a super important wakeup call she got in the middle of getting hit on by her crush. Read on!

A few years ago, while dressing up for a night out in New York City with friends, I felt pretty good. I wasn’t in one of my go-to feeling-sexy outfits, but the outfit I chose was fun and edgy. I was ready for a night out!

At the restaurant that night, this brilliant, gorgeous, funny guy that I’d been crushing on started flirting with me. I was so excited. I couldn’t believe my luck. The man I adored – so smart, so handsome – was interested in me.

He started to tell me how much he liked the work that I was doing, which made me blush with pride. His compliment of my professional prowess meant the world to me.

But then, he leaned in for a kiss and said, “you’re so beautiful.”

Insert scratched record sound here!

My mind reeled and my head whipped back. What had he just said to me?

Immediately, my inner critic screamed, LIAR!

And before I had time to think, my lips we’re saying the words, “I don’t believe you.”

Needless to say, the night went downhill from there.

But, I learned a very powerful lesson in that moment. The inner healing work I’d started on myself was far, FAR away from truly changing how I felt about my not so skinny body. While I’d learned to take pride in my work, I was still struggling with the idea of being proud of my body.

Even though I could SEE that I looked good – thank you trendy outfit! I didn’t actually believe it. Seeing was NOT believing because I couldn’t FEEL it.

As a result, today, I know that the better, truer, wiser phrase is “feeling is believing.”

That night was one of those “wake-up call” nights for me. I realized I needed to commit to going within and doing the inner healing work to stop the negative talk in my head around my body. Because, it was clear… Affirmations on my mirror weren’t cutting it!

So I took the following 3 steps…

1. Stopped People Pleasing!

I made a commitment to myself that night to live my life the way I wanted!
One way I did this was to stop asking everyone for their opinion on every decision I had to make. I could be a terrible decision maker – sometimes they took me weeks to make. So, I would solicit everyone else’s opinion hoping they could make the decision for me.

However, I realized that subliminally this behavior was sending me the message that “I’m not worthy of making this decision.” A message that was eroding my self confidence. How could a man find me beautiful if I couldn’t make an adult decision on my own?!

The second way I stopped people pleasing was by asking myself “Crystal, why do you believe X?” This gave me a moment to pause and reflect, “Where did this belief come from?” Was I blindly holding onto a belief because it was what my mother, best friend, commerical, article, celebrity said or believed? Did I (me, myself and I) believe it? Or, was I adopting their philosophy as my own?

This simple acknowledgement of where I’d picked up the idea helped to release the power it had over me. Then I could decide, yes or no, if I truly wanted the idea in my personal belief system.

Whew! I spent some serious time cleaning out my thoughts. I put a lot of them in the trash!

2. I Got Inspired.

I realized I’d stopped looking for new inspiration. As an adult, I had stopped thinking of inspiration as a natural part of my day and I considered it more of a luxury …if I had time! This belief was messing with my confidence.

How could I feel good about myself everyday if I wasn’t feeling inspired everyday?

Recently, Pinterest has become my go-to inspiration station! And, I recommend pinning more than your favorite clothing items. Pin colors, patterns, textures, household items, flowers, locations, etc. because eventually all of these elements can be incorporated into your style.

3. I Bought Show-Stopper Dresses!

I bought dresses that hugged my curves to help me fall in love with my body. When I put them on I felt sexy. I felt like a million bucks. I felt like I deserved to have men trip over themselves when they saw me walking down the street.

Even better, splurging on curve hugging dresses started a ripple effect in my closet. I began to replace my predominantly black and baggy clothing with asset hugging, colorful outfits. Wearing them brought my confidence to a whole new level because I was no longer the invisible person in the corner.

The key here? When I made a bold statement with my wardrobe I FELT confident.

Feeling is believing!

If you want to feel sexy, I’d love to invite you to join my 15 day instagram challenge all about feeling is believing. I promise to have you feeling sexy, confident and inspired.

Most of all, I’d love to hear from you in the comments below. Why do you struggle with feeling beautiful? And if you’ve broken down the barrier to feeling gorgeous, what did you do to get there? I’m so curious! And I’ll be here to answer every question.

Thank you for reading.

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