My love, I have been thinking of you so much lately and wanted to be sure you knew a few things. For starters, you are not alone. Even when it feels like no one gets you, no one hears you and no one can possibly tolerate the amount of pain you are in. You are not alone. I am here and the Universe is always holding you.
If you’re reading my blog, chances are that you are a person who strives to be positive and optimistic in life even when it’s hard. I am too, and I wouldn’t be where I am today had I not chosen to be more committed to my happiness than my suffering in every moment I am alive. However, this blog is about acknowledging those moments that aren’t filled with positive affirmations, but are filled with tears. We all have them and I believe that we have been doing ourselves an incredible disservice by shoving them to the side and not owning the FULL truth. Not just the sweet and pretty stuff, but the hard moments that crack us open.
For those of you reading this that deal with chronic illness like I do or body pain on any level, this is for you. This might also resonate for people with deep emotional or spiritual pain.
I am sorry that there are challenges you deal with on a daily basis that others might never know about. That every time you go to sleep you are grateful for the relief because for 7ish hours you don’t have to think about your body. Except for those nights when your body wakes you up. When the pain is so loud you can’t even sleep. I am sorry for those days when you have to be brave (basically every day) and not one person has any clue about what you’re managing. Or how hard it was for you to get it together enough to just show up.
I am sorry that you are expected to thrive when most people take sick days for a common cold, and you feel sick everyday. I know it doesn’t feel fair and in a lot of ways, it isn’t. I am sorry that your body hasn’t shown up the way that you had dreamed it would. I know the amount of shame, rage, and heartbreak that brings.
It’s ok to be angry about it. To be down-right pissed that this magnificent body of yours can’t seem to “get it together” or act the way that everyone else’s bodies seem to. It’s ok to feel that it totally blows. It sucks. And sometimes, it’s even ok to wonder if you’re strong enough to handle it. Sometimes, you might need to indulge in thoughts like that because it’s the only way for you to truly feel how hard this is. Because every day you are holding your spirit up so that this dis-ease and pain doesn’t eat you alive. I know. I have known and lived it for the past 26 years of my life and it is no small feat.
I am sorry that the most simple moments in life can be filled with so much stress for someone with chronic illness or body pain. Everything from taking a shower, eating a meal, going on a date, getting dressed, having a sleepover, walking (God forbid we try to actually work out), and a million more things.
But guess what? You are going to be ok. It’s ok if hearing that brings up a wave of emotions. It makes me emotional just to write it. But you ARE going to be ok. You made it this far and let me tell you, that body pain is polishing your soul off like a rough cut diamond that is being shaped into a beautiful gem. I know this to be true. It doesn’t mean that it isn’t the hardest thing you will ever go through, that at times you won’t feel completely alone and that it wouldn’t be amazing if things were different. But I know you are going to be OK.
One of the things that I have been working on recently is letting people into my journey with my body. It’s honestly one of the most challenging things I have ever taken on because I have a lifetime of proof that people don’t want to hear my truth, my pain, or my sadness. But that’s not exactly accurate anymore and I have been working on re-training myself in this area. Yes, my soul’s truth isn’t for everyone in my life, but there are some beautiful people that I have chosen to co-create life with who would love to show up for me if I just let them.
So this is your encouragement to try letting even just one more person in a little bit more. Not leaning on them to fix you and not even asking for their advice. Let them know, you need to be acknowledged for how strong you are in the face of so much unthinkable pain and body stress. Let them know when something happens with your body that scares you and allow yourself to be comforted. Let them know you’re feeling sad or defeated on the days that you are. And if you don’t feel like you have even one person you can do this with, let me know. I will always acknowledge you for what you’re experiencing.
I don’t have all the answers and I am still working through many ups and downs of my own journey. Whether my body is in pain or not, this will always be the journey of my lifetime and I allow myself to embrace and accept that. My sweet little body and yours are doing they best they can. Can you feel that? It’s so true. And the more we can just acknowledge that even still this is hard as hell, the healthier you will feel on every level.
Thank you for reading my love letter to you and your beautiful body. This came from a very raw and unapologetic part of myself that I am often terrified to share with you. For fear of rejection, fear of being too much or pissing someone off. But I can honestly say I have reached a point in my life where I am more committed to being of service than ever and if that makes people freak, then so be it. With that said, it always means the world to me when I hear from you in the comments so please let me know what this brought up for you below. Can you relate or know someone who could? Remember, we are in this together. Promise.
PS – There are just a few spots left for The Love Entourage, my virtual group coaching program which starts June 12th. Don’t miss your chance to be in a beautiful community of women where I coach you step-by-step on your self-love journey. Reserve your spot here.