Are You Letting Your Past Hold You Back?

April 15, 2017 Health

As I sit down to write this blog for you, I have a wave of deep love and gratitude washing over me.  Because what we are about to explore together is something that I wasn’t ready to face until very recently.  So if you feel resistance come up, if you get angry or want to cry…just know you’re not alone in this and you are absolutely strong enough to face it.

When many of us embark on a journey towards more self-love, it’s because we want our lives to look a certain way or we want to feel a certain way.  It’s a beautiful thing to want the best for yourself, and I truly believe that we deserve all of our hearts desires.

One of the first steps to getting what you want in the future is to go back to where it all began.  To  dig deep into the archives of pain from your life and explore it with wide open eyes like never before.

How did it feel when that boy rejected you?  

What did you make it mean when you got a lower grade than your best friend?  

What did you start to believe about yourself when you weren’t as thin as your mother?  

And the questions go on from there. In fact, if we allow it, they will never stop. We keep digging, digging and digging some more.  And although it is hard as hell sometimes, we eventually reach this state of joy; when we have a breakthrough and can transform them into a new reality. Truly, it’s a never ending process.

But when are we  going to be ready to go forward instead of backwards? While there is so much power and strength that comes from truly understanding the past, and I would never suggest that it’s not important, isn’t there a point when we’re done carrying it into our present?  

As humans, it’s almost as if we like to sit in the past like  it’s a delicious bowl of chocolate frosting. In reality though,  it’s a bowl of quicksand sucking you in, pulling you down, over and over again. Like no matter how hard you to try, there is always a piece of your past waiting for you inside of your next thought. Whoa. Do you feel me on this one?

To make it even clearer, I want to share a little story with you about something that happened to me recently. You may or may not know that I was a singer growing up.  I took voice lessons for 15 years and it was the thing that I loved the absolute most in my life.  I remember when I first realized I loved to sing; I described it as feeling like I was holding hands with God.  It is the thing I hold the most dear to me and I feel the most vulnerable when sharing my voice with others, which is why I almost never do.

When I was a kid, I was in Acapella Choir, taking those voice lessons and singing EVERY chance I got.  I would sing walking down the halls at school, I would sing my homework (even if it was Math!), I would sing as I woke up and as I went to bed. I just couldn’t stop and it made me so incredibly happy that at one point I thought for sure I would become a professional singer because I couldn’t imagine doing anything else.  It was everything to me.  But…there are countless moments from that time in my life where my voice was squashed, pushed down, shoved around and made fun of.

Yes. The thing I held the most dear to my heart was being tossed around like it was worthless when I would share it with certain people in my life.  And it felt like a part of me  died on the inside each time.  Sometimes it was kids at school telling me to stop singing all the time because I was annoying.  Other times I was crushed that the popular girl in school got the choir solo that I was hoping for.  And often, it was comments from my family, who just didn’t understand  my love for it at the time.

No one tried to hurt me or kill my spirit, but I managed to hold onto those stories and moments for so long that I eventually stopped singing altogether.  And I haven’t taken voice lessons or actively shared my voice in 11 years because of it.

Recently,  I began to question, why in the WORLD am I letting these past voices and stories dictate my future? This is MY voice dammit. This is MY life.  This is MY story that I get to actively write every moment I am blessed enough to be alive.  Why am I handing over my power to them, every. single. day?

Oh hell no, I am so done with that story, my loves.  So much so, that I started the journey of taking voice lessons again on Wednesday and my next lesson is already setup for next week.  There is no better time than right now to own my voice, and I want you to come with me.

If I had continued to let myself get drawn in by the familiarity and stories of my past, I would probably never even allow myself to admit that singing is so important to me.  Let alone start voice lessons again!

So where do you want to create your life from?  The stories that are filled with hurt from your past?  Or the possibility of what you can create for your future?  The truth within your heart can help you walk forward into your future more easily than you might realize.  You just need to have the slightest willingness.  

Now comes my favorite part where I get to hear from each of you.  Is there an area of your life where you are letting your past dictate your future?  How long has that been going on?  Are you ready to let it go?  Write me a comment below (I always answer every one!) and share what you got out of reading the blog this week.  It honestly means the world to me to connect with you in this way.  Love you. So much.

Thank you for reading.

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