Do You Isolate Yourself? Maybe You Shouldn’t.

April 29, 2017 Health, Relationships

My autoimmune condition has always been a huge part of my life, and the intensity it brings to my daily experience is often something I don’t want to burden others with. I shy away from discussing it  even with my closest of friends more often than not .  Especially when my body is flaring up and I am in a lot of pain or discomfort.

Truth be told,  my friends usually find out  about it after the fact, and once I fill them in , most of them immediately gasp and say, “Nitty, why didn’t you tell me?! I would have come over and taken care of you or at least just brought you some tea!” And while I might say something like, “I know, I just didn’t want to bother you with it,”the truth is, I was afraid to tell them.  I was afraid to be vulnerable, that if I shared this super painful and important part of myself with them, and they don’t respond the way I want them to, I will feel worse.

Can you relate? Do you isolate, separate, or shut people out for similar reasons?

Well, not matter which side of the fence you’re on–isolating or being the friend who wasn’t clued in,  totally sucks.

I wanted to bring this up because lately I’ve really felt the effect of isolation from the other side –as the person being shut out.  I have a lot of amazing people in my life who have an incredible emotional capacity for love, growth, and intimacy.  It’s profound to say the least.  But even still, many of them isolate and I find myself feeling so deeply hurt by that more often than I would like.

I have worked on things on my end and committed to truly surrendering in these moments, having faith that those who are meant to be in my life will be. But it has also brought to light how much isolating effects those who love you. When we isolate, we tend to think that it’s better for the other person.  

Well love, I am here to tell you that if someone truly loves you, it’s actually not better for them to have you shut them out. I know that when reading this, that might seem obvious, but in the moment it often isn’t.

So this post is for all of you out there who tend to want to run and hide when discomfort, pain, or scary life circumstances take hold.  I want you to know that if someone truly loves you, that’s the last thing that they want you to do. And chances are, they are the exact person who can hold you through whatever it is you’re going through. The kind thing to do if you really love someone, is to let them know where you’re at, and that you will be back in touch when you’re able to be.  It will save everyone a lot of heartache in the end, trust me.

If you’re someone who gets deeply hurt when people you love are isolating, I just want you to know that you’re not alone.  If you can do the work to love yourself a little more during those moments, that’s where the gold is.  Know that you’re so freaking worthy of love it’s ridiculous and that this person who you love so very much will be back soon. When they do finally resurface, allow yourself to be honest with them about how it felt to have them drop out of your life. They need to hear it for the evolution of their soul as much as you need permission to say it.  

I love you all so much and I hope this blog was a tender hug for some of you and a gentle reminder for others.  I know isolation can be tempting, but just remember, it has an impact.

So now I want to hear from you!  Are you someone who tends to isolate?  Were there any insights you got from this blog that you didn’t think of before?  Or are you the person who gets shut out a lot and feels hurt?  Let me know where you’re at with this conversation below. I want to hear from you and support you on this journey.

Thank you for reading.

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