For most of my life, I was always pegged as an extrovert. And by looking at my instagram you would probably still assume that I am. Well, my love, you would be completely wrong. I’m what some people like to call a social introvert. I can be social when I need to but more often than not, I need time to hibernate and be with myself.
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve gone through many periods where that need to hibernate has left me confused and honestly very uncomfortable. Telling myself things like: You should be more active! You should to go to every party! You have to go out if someone invites you! Feeling the need to balance the social electricity of NYC with the restoration I so deeply craved in my heart, was not always easy.
But over time, I began to really understand that being comfortable with my need to have quality alone time was just a matter of me building my “healthy boundaries” muscle, becoming a “No Ninja,” and connecting more with my intuition. When I did this, I found that I was less depleted, less stressed out, and to be honest, way less irritable simply because I listened to my internal compass.
I was also able to fully show up for people when I did go out and socialize, because it was a total “yes” for me to be at the event or party I was attending. Giving myself space to spend time at home allowed me to really enjoy the times I spent being outward.
Plus, I developed a new love for winter. I know often times we can feel frustrated with the colder months, but I truly feel they are a gift. They are nature’s way of inviting us to stay in, get cozy, and go inward … with a cup of tea.
If you feel that you sometimes struggle with your desire to stay in vs. the social pressure to go out, here are some ways that you too can embrace hibernation.
- Do a social detox. Go through your social calendar for the next couple of weeks, and review every outing that you have agreed to. Do they feel like “yay, I can’t wait to go!” or more like a “why, God! Why me?!” Obviously if it feels like the latter, it’s time to set your boundaries and find a way to politely and lovingly bow out.
- Allow yourself to indulge. Don’t just sit on the couch and let the alone time pass you by, really tune into what your body, mind, and soul are craving. Is it a delicious dessert from a restaurant nearby that you only save for special occasions or do you want to buy yourself a candle with your favorite scent? Or even rent a movie that you’ve been dying to watch. This time is all about you. So how can you take it up a notch and indulge to the fullest?
- Let. It. GO! Your technology that is. While it would feel restorative to watch something awesome on TV, it won’t feel as good to be constantly plugged into work, emails, or social media. As much as I love my work, when I don’t give myself down time from it, I feel drained and it starts to become a job vs. a passion. So give yourself that time on the nights that you decide to take care of you.
Now, I’d love to hear from you. Are you someone who has an internal battle about staying in versus going out? Do you really crave alone time but feel like you shouldn’t miss out on anything? Please share with me in the comments below.
Comments
Elizabeth 02/28/16
I call myself an outgoing introvert. I can be the life of the party, but I definitely need along time. One of my favorite restorative things to do is to take my dog for a long walk. I also find a one on one lunch with a friend to be restorative, while group things can wear me out.
Nitika 02/28/16
Oh I like that spin on it too Elizabeth! Makes total sense. Glad you figured out how to take care of you, so perfect. xx
Melissa 02/28/16
Love this post. It goes to show that we really cannot be put in a box and it’s never either/or. Balance is so essential. Being a social introvert I think indicates the acknowledgement of the need for balance. Quality time with one’s self is just as, if not more important than quality time with others. So now I will appreciate these NYC winters a little more seeing as an opportunity to hibernate in self-love. Thanks 🙂
Nitika 02/28/16
Yes Melissa – I love that! Totally represents my need for balance. It’s not all or nothing. So true! Thanks for sharing and I am so thrilled that this resonated with you. Lots of love! xx
Courtney 02/28/16
THANK YOU SOOOOO much for this! I beat myself up all the time bc I am seen as an extrovert but so much more of what yyou spoke of. If I ignore my inner compass I suffer so much.
Thank you and I miss tagging you in our super self love challenge xo
Nitika 02/29/16
Aww your message is so sweet, thanks Courtney! I am going to be doing another challenge in May so we will get to be extra connected then 😉
For now, keep owning that you are more of a “social introvert” – you’re doing great!! Lots of love xx
Nicola 02/28/16
Hi Nitika,
I am doing IIN so only signed up to your newsletters & social media this weekend 🙂 You are great and I love your sense of humor through your story telling.. It’s RARE and Good!!!
I had this scenario literally on the weekend and funnily enough I cancelled two engagements. I find the older I get the easier it gets to ‘back’ myself when I am these situations. What prompted it was I met with a lady called Sonia Friday morning for brekkie, Sonia is a life coach / friend of friend and now my peer coach. Whats fascinating is she had my personality analysed within 10 minutes of our meeting!! Now, I didn’t say much nor did I realise she was ‘assessing’ my traits but its was hugely insightful to read the link she sent me afterwards. (innovative and individualistic introvert): https://www.16personalities.com/infp-personality. It was hugely freeing to read and allow the fact that I might be an INTROVERT!!!!! But I am. Everything in the report spoke to me. Memories from childhood rushed back, I actually cried with utter relief that I finally understood myself. How totally brilliant!
Anyway – I wanted you to know you are brilliant and although I haven’t fully explored your website yet I will be watching you closely. I am nearly finished my course and I am now in the ramp up phase of getting this business off the ground.. I am in serious need to reaching into the pot of confidence and self assurance and just ‘backing myself’ to get out there into the unknown and JFDI !!!!! I will keep you posted on the next few months developments. Eek. Scary and exciting!
This was rather longer than a Comment! Good work on striking engagement (I listened in marketing)!!
Have a fab Nicola Nolan.
Perth, Australia (I am proudly Irish/Australian)
Nitika 02/29/16
Oh my goodness Nicola you’re comment really made me smile + laugh too! You’re such a sweetie!! I am THRILLED to hear that you found some relief and have been understanding yourself better lately. That’s such a beautiful thing. I am even more thrilled to hear that you found me + I can’t wait to be on this beautiful journey together. Lots of love!! xx
Nicola 03/03/16
Haha. Thanks and will keep in touch.
Have a fab *day!
Nicola Nolan x
Jane 02/29/16
I love this! My hubby teases me because I only accept about one out of four invites to be social outside my home. 🙂 Thanks for making me feel somewhat “normal.” Lol. xo-Jane
Kateland 02/29/16
I totally identify with this! It used to be a huge struggle. I moved to Chicago from LA to be near my family and best friends and had a lot of guilt and anxiety saying no to plans (they are always doing something fun!). After struggling for months with wanting to see them but also needing my recharge time, I finally just told them what was up. I explained how much I love them and love being invited to their plans, but sometimes, I just need a night in. That lifted a huge weight! They of course understood! Now, when they invite me to do something, I feel less “forced” to go, and it leads to me having a much better time.
Sometimes, it’s not only being honest with yourself, but also being honest with the ones who are close to you.
Joan Kline 03/06/16
Excellent advice!
Nitika 03/06/16
Thanks Joan!! Lots of love xx
alfred 06/27/16
I love nitika so much