August 8, 2015

How to Become a No Ninja

How to Become a No Ninja

What is a “No Ninja,” you ask? If I had to define it, I’d tell you it’s someone who says “no” to things with grace, love, and ease. It may seem odd to put three very positive feelings alongside something that seems negative. So let me explain.

As women, saying no often feels like we’re disappointing others OR that we’re potentially missing out on something awesome. The thing is, our time and how we spend it is precious and crucial to success in life. In fact, it’s one of the most precious commodities.

For those of us who want to be the greatest friend, the perfect daughter, the ultimate soul sister, and the owner of a booming 6-figure business, saying no is a serious challenge. But if we want to embody and possess those things, we have to stay in alignment with that. Which means saying no becomes a weekly, if not a daily practice.

Here’s what I’ve discovered over the years: becoming a “No Ninja” is the key to having it all. It keeps you focused on what really matters and allows you to always make the very best decision. Because when we ultimately say “yes,” we want it to feel like a “hell yes”.

For those of you who feel anxiety about saying no, here are 5 ways to become a “No Ninja” in no time.

  1. Do a Gut Check. Is it a “hell yes”? There’s either going to be a feeling of dread or a feeling of certainty. Tune in and see what’s real.
  2. Play It Out. Review the potential outcomes in your mind. And decide which ones feels like the better choice.
  3. Don’t Give into Pressure. Although it may feel that everyone else wants you to do something, you’re the one who has to deal with the consequences of saying yes when you really want to say no.
  4. Honor Yourself. When you say no you can often feel vulnerable in standing up for what feels right for you. Be sure to be extra gentle with yourself in the process and remember that you know best.
  5. Run it By a Trusted Friend. Feeling unsure? Get support from a friend that you know has your best interest at heart. Knowing that someone has your back always makes it easier to make decisions.

Being a “No Ninja” isn’t only empowering. It’s one of the greatest forms of self-love because in the process of saying no you are declaring your truth and honoring your truth.

Now, I want to hear from you! How does saying no make you feel? Do you think becoming a “No Ninja” would improve some things in your life? Tell us all about it in the comments below!

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  • Elizabeth

    I have to say I have been more of a no ninja lately! I have been taking a deep look at what relationships are most valuable, and prioritizing them. Being a student at IIN has helped me learn to say no for several reasons. IIN emphasizes self care, and I am learning that in order to care
    For myself I can’t stretch myself too thin. Also, in order
    to keep up with the course work I simply have to say no to some things so I can get everything done. I look at the positives of saying no to keep myself on track. Not only is it empowering, it can also truly help others. For example, saying no to my teenagers, as in “no, I can’t make you a snack right now” or “no, I can’t give you a ride at that time. Here is when I am available…” actually helps them to become
    more resourceful and adaptable.

    • Nitika

      Yes that’s exactly it Elizabeth! Love these examples, I honestly felt more calm just reading them. Boundaries are AMAZING!! I am sure it’s not always the easiest thing to implement with your own children but it sounds like you are doing AWESOME. Keep it up beauty! xoxo

  • madena

    I know that “yes” every time is disturbing but saying “no” to close people gives me more reprimand so I better ” bad than the worse

    • Nitika

      I totally get that Madena! I invite you to try saying “No” one more time then you usually would and see how it feels. Take baby steps + it might not be as painful as you think. PROMISE!! Lots of love xoxo

  • Nitin

    Great topic! I’m not always good at this, but when saying “no” I find it’s helpful not to go into every last detail of why you can’t make it–will just encourage the other person to find ways around your constraints.

    • Nitika

      Omg yes! That’s so true. I try to take the emotion out of it and just say that I have to decline as well, great tip Nitin! xx

  • Max

    Great post, Nitika!

  • Kathlyn Hart

    This is a hells yes! I struggled with this for a long time especially as someone who always wants others to be happy. I’ve realized I was saying yes so often out of guilt which not only drained me but put me in situations I dreaded, which turned out to not only be bad for me, but also the people I was saying yes to. In the end I’ve come to realize that the world is a much better and happier place when you know those gut level feelings and honor them 🙂

    • Nitika

      Your last line is EXACTLY it Kathlyn – YES! What’s right for you is what’s right for everyone, even if they don’t always realize it right away. Great work!! Lots of love xoxo

  • Sari

    I love this post and as someone who says “YES” too much, I am going to read these tips the next time I am about to say “YES “without thinking first! Thank you Nitika! xo

    • Nitika

      YAY! I love that Sari – yes keep coming back to it so you can stay on track!! Lots of love xoxo

  • Michele Morales

    Saying no use to be VERY uncomfortable for me. I just didn’t like confrontation and felt it would be simpler just to say yes. Now, I’m much better with saying no. It’s not easy, but I’m much more adamant about being in control of my life and time and refusing to feel guilty about it. Now, when I say no, I feel empowered and proud of myself for standing up for myself. The tips you give for being a “No Ninja” are gold. I haven’t achieved Ninja status yet, but I’m aspiring to:)

    • Nitika

      Haha well awareness is the first step to “Ninja Status” so you are doing GREAT!! Keep it up beauty xoxo

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