For as long as I can remember, my weight has always been a “thing.” I’ve had moments in my life where I was super skinny, but honestly, that hasn’t been the case for the last 12 years and before that, I was mostly considered “chubby.” While I’ve never carried so much extra weight that it affected my health, somehow it has always been a concern.
Ever since I was a kid, I noticed that my size was drastically different from any person in my family. My mom is a tall, super slim woman who has always been the same thin shape her whole life. My brother is also skinny and on top of that he’s super active and loves working out. And my dad has always been the same, slender and fit.
Then there was me….chubbs. Or at least that’s how I perceived myself. For most of my life, I would endlessly beat myself up about my shape. I would call myself names, put myself down and do some major compare and despair. Can you relate?
Everyone from family to the media is constantly reminding us that thin equals good, happy and positive. Simply put: if you’re not thin, you’re screwed. You won’t get a man, you won’t be happy and sometimes you won’t get the job you really want. Sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it? But if you take a moment to stop and think about the messages we are receiving all the time, it’s incredibly accurate.
Recently, I decided to go on a pretty strict cleanse for my health. I went to a new doctor back in June and was put on the candida diet at the start of September. I am no stranger to these types of cleanses and diets, but I hadn’t really committed to one in a long time. If I am being totally honest, it’s pretty annoying and I dream about gluten-free pizza and red velvet cupcakes often. That said, I am more committed than ever to get to the root of my health issues on a new level.
One of the side effects of this diet? I lost weight. Mind you, this was not the goal for me at all. But it happened.
The funny thing is, I don’t really care and I kind of can’t believe that. If this had happened a couple of years ago, I would have been SO proud of myself and felt a tremendous sense of relief. Finally! I am skinnier and more lovable because I am not so chubbs! (Seriously, it was all I could think about at many points in my life.) But as the weight fell off this past six weeks, all I have noticed is that I am still the same exact person I was 15 pounds heavier.
I am still just as lovable as I was 15 pounds ago. Just as smart, funny, kind, nerdy, hyper, loving and so much more. It wasn’t until I lost the weight that I was able to see how much my inner conversations have truly changed over the years, All this work I keep telling you about and encouraging you to do, let me tell you, it’s truly no joke. It’s real. It’s valuable. And if you commit to taking small right actions everyday as often as possible, one day you’re going to wake up and be amazed at the woman you have become. I know that to be true.
So, if you have that thing you are constantly measuring yourself by, consider this your loving reminder to cut it out. Easier said than done, I know, and it might not happen overnight, but you can start choosing a more loving conversation for yourself right now. You can start getting fed up with how hard you are on yourself and start remembering even just one thing that is down right fabulous about YOU.
The thing that helped me love my body no matter what my weight, was compassion. It wasn’t realistic for me to go from self-loathing to self-love, but I was able to start by having compassion for all that my body has been through and love it from that place at the beginning. It was so helpful.
Now, I want to hear from you, my love. I am so honored to be on this journey with you and I think the more we create an open discussion, the more we will all heal. So let me know in the comments below, is there something that you are ready to stop beating yourself up about? Is there an area that you still need more guidance with? I got you, just leave a comment and we’ll be in this together. Lots of love!