I have been being interviewed for a ton of podcasts lately (which I love!) and one of the things I inevitably always get asked about is HOW does someone start to love themselves? This question is usually surrounded by a series of others, like how do we create a routine around our self-love practices? Or When did I first start to love myself? And it’s been so liberating to speak from the deepest place of my heart in all of these interviews and tell the truth.
The truth is, it starts with RAGE.
Yes, rage. That emotion that most of us were told to completely ignore, stuff down or that wasn’t acceptable. That one.
When I was deeply suffering from the pain my chronic illnesses caused me on a daily basis, self-love seemed like total crap. I kept hearing all of these meditation teachers and self-help gurus preach about being kind to ourselves and loving everything about who we are. I would then look down at my scaling, bleeding, flaking body and feel PISSED. I would look at myself and not feel love. I would feel complete hatred for every inch of my skin and every bone that wasn’t functioning properly.
You want me to love this? That’s a strong no.
Maybe you can relate. Whether you’ve dealt with psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis like me or have struggled with weight or are dealing with another autoimmune condition, we have all had those moments where we hated ourselves and our bodies. The thought of loving the very thing that has caused us tremendous shame and suffering feels almost cruel to even suggest.
I am always writing, instagramming and speaking about self-love and how it is truly possible in every moment – which is true! But my love, you have to start with the rage that’s there. Get in touch with the lack of self-love in order to fully step into loving yourself.
This is the step that many gurus bypass in my opinion. Maybe because it’s too messy, maybe because their afraid we will wallow or maybe because sitting with their own pain seems too hard. I’m not sure what the reason is, but I know it’s not serving us.
Get in touch with your RAGE. Why do you feel so much pain and hatred towards your body or your circumstances? Why are you so angry about the way things are showing up in your life? Why is the pain crippling so many times throughout your day and why do you feel so hopeless that things will never get better?
I know these are not fun things to think about and many answers will be painful to face, but you know what? Chances are you are already in pain. It’s just a pain that seems safer and more comfortable to you so you allow it to continue. But if I have learned anything in my life it is that pain needs to be expressed, explored and acknowledged in order to transcend into love. It’s hard. It’s scary. It’s healing.
So this week I want you to get honest about the rage that is lurking below the surface and that has possibly been with you for longer than you can even remember. But I want you to do it in a way that feels healthy for you.
When I have told clients to do this in the past, they have been afraid to because they feel if they were to get in touch with it, they would be overpowered by it. So be safe and know your limits. This is something I have had to practice over time and grow in to.
You can journal out your rage, talk out loud to it or one of my favorite things to do is sing at the top of my lungs to music that has deep meaning for me. It always moves the energy and allows me to safely feel everything I need to. Whatever you do, feel the rage. I promise you that if it’s there, it’s begging to be heard.
Now in the comments below please let me know what came up for you in this weeks post. Did you feel uncomfortable at the thought of exploring your rage? Did you feel excited to have official permission to go there? Whatever it is that’s arising after reading this, share it with me below. I always love hearing from you!