March 31, 2018

It Starts With RAGE.

I have been being interviewed for a ton of podcasts lately (which I love!) and one of the things I inevitably always get asked about is HOW does someone start to love themselves? This question is usually surrounded by a series of others, like how do we create a routine around our self-love practices? Or When did I first start to love myself? And it’s been so liberating to speak from the deepest place of my heart in all of these interviews and tell the truth.

The truth is, it starts with RAGE.

Yes, rage. That emotion that most of us were told to completely ignore, stuff down or that wasn’t acceptable. That one.

When I was deeply suffering from the pain my chronic illnesses caused me on a daily basis, self-love seemed like total crap. I kept hearing all of these meditation teachers and self-help gurus preach about being kind to ourselves and loving everything about who we are. I would then look down at my scaling, bleeding, flaking body and feel PISSED. I would look at myself and not feel love. I would feel complete hatred for every inch of my skin and every bone that wasn’t functioning properly.

You want me to love this? That’s a strong no.

Maybe you can relate. Whether you’ve dealt with psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis like me or have struggled with weight or are dealing with another autoimmune condition, we have all had those moments where we hated ourselves and our bodies. The thought of loving the very thing that has caused us tremendous shame and suffering feels almost cruel to even suggest.

I am always writing, instagramming and speaking about self-love and how it is truly possible in every moment – which is true! But my love, you have to start with the rage that’s there. Get in touch with the lack of self-love in order to fully step into loving yourself.

This is the step that many gurus bypass in my opinion. Maybe because it’s too messy, maybe because their afraid we will wallow or maybe because sitting with their own pain seems too hard. I’m not sure what the reason is, but I know it’s not serving us.

Get in touch with your RAGE. Why do you feel so much pain and hatred towards your body or your circumstances? Why are you so angry about the way things are showing up in your life? Why is the pain crippling so many times throughout your day and why do you feel so hopeless that things will never get better?

I know these are not fun things to think about and many answers will be painful to face, but you know what? Chances are you are already in pain. It’s just a pain that seems safer and more comfortable to you so you allow it to continue. But if I have learned anything in my life it is that pain needs to be expressed, explored and acknowledged in order to transcend into love. It’s hard. It’s scary. It’s healing.

So this week I want you to get honest about the rage that is lurking below the surface and that has possibly been with you for longer than you can even remember. But I want you to do it in a way that feels healthy for you.

When I have told clients to do this in the past, they have been afraid to because they feel if they were to get in touch with it, they would be overpowered by it. So be safe and know your limits. This is something I have had to practice over time and grow in to.

You can journal out your rage, talk out loud to it or one of my favorite things to do is sing at the top of my lungs to music that has deep meaning for me. It always moves the energy and allows me to safely feel everything I need to. Whatever you do, feel the rage. I promise you that if it’s there, it’s begging to be heard.

Now in the comments below please let me know what came up for you in this weeks post. Did you feel uncomfortable at the thought of exploring your rage? Did you feel excited to have official permission to go there? Whatever it is that’s arising after reading this, share it with me below. I always love hearing from you!

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  • Joanne McDermott

    Wow what a refreshing post!
    I’ve never thought of looking or feeling my rage before.
    I felt anger when in my cycle of my miscarriage grief but that eventually left as I went through the other stages.
    It’s been four years and since then I’ve still been feeling physically rubbish because i eat/drink junk and I have a gut feeling I have an autoimmune thyroid condition that started after the birth of my first child. However I’ve not investigated due to lack of money and fear of failure of eating right as tried many times and quit.
    I know these are all excuses and my self belief system is out of whack – telling myself stories that aren’t true (if I eat right – feel healthy – get pregnant – might have a fifth miscarriage) I think my subconscious is saving me heartache. Just waffling now but your question has opened up more questions that I need to explore by journaling. Can’t wait to see what this brings and need to reprogram my thoughts to have better positive beliefs. I feel like I’m punishing my body for letting me down. We are supposed to procreate with ease and my body let me down so I’m going to start here with my rage even though it’s painful to go there.
    I’ll let you know how I get on
    Love Jo xx

    • Nitika

      Hi Jo! Thanks so much for your comment, what you wrote is the exact reason I LOVE sharing my blogs with all of you. I am so sorry to hear of your miscarriage and can only imagine how challenging that must have been but you are SO insanely brave with your willingness to explore it all. Please keep me posted on how the journaling goes and thank you for being so vulnerable with me. Lots of love! xx

  • Debbie

    I totally get the rage factor when my psoriasis flares followed by tears and the why me thoughts its good to know im not alone in feeling this way. Having a scalp flare just now and getting me stressed as i get married in 79 days tho my fiance is supportive im embarrassed i let it get to me. Then people saying its not bad as they stand with there perfect psoriasis free skin. There are days im comfortable in my skin then others not so much i guess thay goes for everyone.

    • Nitika

      Omg Debbie I so so get you! Especially the part about others saying it’s not so bad. That used to INFURIATE me!!! Still does sometimes. Sending you so much love and so happy to hear that you have an amazing fiancé who loves you exactly as you are. Congrats on the upcoming wedding!! xxx

  • Julia Gulbrandson

    Thank you. I lost my husband a little over a year ago and dealing with chronic illness (Fibromyalgia & migraines) along with the grieving process sent me into severe fibromyalgia flare ups and the inability to function. I started going to a grief support group and that help tremendously. But the one step I wasn’t feeling was anger or rage. For the past 10 years off & on I have use EFT or tapping to assist with my chronic illness. It’s one of many tools I use. I received an email for the tapping solution summit and started listening to the speakers and doing the tapping. Anger started to come up and so I was able to tap into it and release it in a positive healing way. I know there’s still some left but I’m so thankful for the ability to to release it and start feeling self-love again. Your article was a great reminder and yes very refreshing. I love your information and appreciate you sharing your story. Much love. ????????

    • Nitika

      Hi Julia! Thank you so much for your comment. Wow, you are so incredibly brave! It’s truly breathtaking. Yes allowing it to come up is so hard and uncomfortable but when we are dedicated to doing it in a way that’s supportive and healthy it can also be so miraculous. So grateful to be on this healing journey with you and sending you so much love xxx

  • Jackie Simek

    I couldn’t agree more. For most people, the first step to self love is acceptance but if you can’t accept what’s happening then explore those feelings first. I use tapping with clients, particularly those with auto immune diseases. To date, no one has shown up to a session ready to accept.
    Thanks you for sharing your story. My mom has psoriasis and it kept her from loving herself fully. She ended up “settling” with my dad bc as she put it “he never made a big deal out of it.” 40 years later she’s still not happy. I have broken the cycle of lack of self love in our family and I’ve been called to do the same for others.
    Sending light,

    • Nitika

      Hi Jackie! So beautiful that you are supporting clients through the process of accessing their rage. It’s so important, as you know! I totally understand how your mom has struggled with self-love due to her skin – story of my life. Like, literally! Sending you and her all my love. thank you for commenting!! xx

  • Ashley

    OMG Nitika, THANK YOU for sharing this post. I love everything about it. I have been dealing with a chronic Illness called POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome) – it’s not very widely known and there is no known cure at the moment. But one of the things that is so difficult is that it is an invisible illness. I look totally normal on the outside, so when others see me and tell me how great I look and ask me how i’m doing, it’s incredible infuriating because what they do not understand is that how I look does not reflect what is going on inside my body. I am constantly lightheaded, dizzy, nauseous, have fainted a few times, the list goes on and it’s so hard to control since the Autonomic Nervous System is de-regulated, meaning all the things that your body does without thinking about it, heart rate, blood pressure, body temperature, digestion, etc. is all over the place to put it nicely. There have been so many times in the past 2 years since my diagnosis that I have been so angry at my body for failing me and especially out of no where.
    Sorry for the rambling! Thank you for giving permission for the rage that is a natural part of the healing process, it’s so important!
    xx, Ashley

    • Nitika

      Hi Ashley! You are not rambling, love, that is SO MUCH TO DEAL WITH!!!!!!! OMG I have heard of this condition and it is NOT an easy one. I am so sorry you have to deal with so much on a daily basis and that people can’t even tell that anything is wrong – which can sound great to some people but as someone who has dealt with it I know it is HARD. I am sending you and your brave body SO much love and am grateful that my post was helpful!!!!

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