I know we are just one month into 2017, but leave it to me to continue learning in every single moment. I am sure I am not the only one either! There is so much happening with our world (especially in this country) and that is certain to stir up a significant amount of stuff in our internal worlds as well. I was incredibly vocal about how challenging 2016 was for me and how ready for a change I was. Well, that change came, but not in the ways that I thought it would. I should have known that would be the case, right?
First off, you may have noticed that I haven’t written a blog post yet this year. The truth is I am sorry that I am not sorry and I say that with so much love. I miss connecting with you all here every single week and with every comment, share or email reply I feel deeply honored to be able to support you in this way. But it became super clear to me that I needed to support myself a bit more first in order to truly serve you. It’s what I always talk about and I needed to take my own advice and get back to basics. So, even though I send you all so much love every Sunday at the time my newsletter would normally be going out, I have had to take a step back and let myself have a little writing break. Only writing when I feel deeply moved to and not beating myself up for when I just don’t have it in me. Hope you get it and know I am always here, loving you so.
Giving myself a BREAK is something that I had to re-learn at the start of this year and I not only did that with you all here, but I also did that in my work overall. I got offered the opportunity to work for a dear friend on a new tech startup doing branding and social media strategy (both things I love!) and I took it. If you had asked me a year ago I would have not been able to see myself going to an office several days a week, working on a team and for someone else. But by the end of 2016 my cells were so fried from the amount of stress I was feeling (I even started losing my HAIR. Omg.) that the opportunity was honestly a complete gift. Again, this doesn’t really change anything overall for my business. I am still doing workshops, lots of social media, testing beauty products (I always share them on my Instagram stories!) and working on fun projects like the Re (New) Program I was featured in for Well + Good this past week. In this moment, life is sweet and I am so grateful for that.
I learned a couple of other things in the first few weeks of this year too. One of them being how incredibly capable I am. I feel kind of strange saying that, but one of the identities that I have been trying to shake for as long as I can remember, is this idea that I am helpless. I have already achieved and worked through more than I ever thought possible, but for many years of my life as I struggled with my health I also struggled with believing that I was capable of anything other than being a sick person. You see, since I was diagnosed with a debilitating case of psoriasis at the age of ten, my whole life really revolved around my health for a very long time. I said “no” a lot because I thought I was too sick, or I was too uncomfortable. I then trained the people who love me the most to believe the same thing. I have come a long way since then but it was a deep-seeded belief that I find I am still letting go of. For example, I headed to the Women’s March in Washington D.C. last weekend and had to work through this belief I have about myself in order to get myself there with no drama. My parents were nervous for me, I was pushing myself way out of my comfort zone, but it was all completely perfect. Effortless in fact. I crashed with super generous and loving friends, spent the day with three close soul sisters, drove to and from D.C. in cars filled with love. It was amazing how everything came together and to witness the brilliance of my friends (and millions of others) come together in solidarity that day was just breathtaking. But, I had to push through a lot in order to get the courage to take the leap and TRUST. So glad I did. I even volunteered with my friends and helped pass out posters which you can see in the photo above.
This last lesson I am going to share with you is one that I am still uncovering to it’s fullest capacity but I am kind of excited about it so I thought I would let you in on what I have learned so far. Through a series of dating trials and tribulations I have gotten to see that I obsess as a way to protect myself. Woah. Does that even make sense? It didn’t for me at first so let me explain. I don’t really do this in most areas of my life but where men are concerned I do it so much that I makeup for it. The way it goes is something like this…I over analyze every single moment, text, emoji, date and more when I like a guy. And then I proceed to obsess about what it all MEANS for as long as my friends can stand to listen to me. Ugh. It’s honestly so not cute and what I noticed is that I end up feeling so crappy at the end of it all because as much as my incredible friends try to give me amazing advice, I typically know what’s best for me. I also realized that the obsession serves as a protection. So instead of sitting with the discomfort I am feeling I obsess obsess obsess. It takes the focus off of my feelings and puts the focus on drama (usually self-made). If I could just sit in the discomfort for even a little bit more I could hear what my truth really is. I could nurture myself and move through what it is I am feeling much faster and certainly with much more grace. Wouldn’t that be nice?! YES.
Phew! Loves that was a whole lotta’ lessons for less than 30 days into a new year but as I mentioned above, when i do have the energy to write to you, I really want to make it count. I am not interested in sharing from the top surface of life, in being super sweet or overly polite. I am interested in change, women rising, true healing and divine love like we never even knew was possible. I know that in order to be a catalyst for any of this, it has to start with me and I have to be willing to go there with you.
Now I want to hear from you! Seriously your comments always mean SO much to me so please leave me one below and I will write you back personally. Feel free to share what came up for you after reading this. Are there any 2017 lessons you’ve already learned? Share them with me + let’s be on this journey together. For reals.