June 2, 2018

Open Up If You’re Crumbling Right Now. You’re Not Alone.

Are you currently in a state where you feel as though you’re constantly crumbling right now? Like there is grief, sadness, loss and an emotional weight that might not even appear to have an exact starting point for why it’s showing up? I have been feeling this for about a month now and spent much of that time feeling embarrassed and beating myself up for not being able to figure it out or get over it. After all, that’s what I am best at! I love getting the root cause of my emotions and transforming them. It’s my jam. But lately it’s like no matter what I do the emotions are just not shifting like I had hoped they would.

Over the last two weeks I have started acknowledging my experience to some of my closest friends, only to find out that every single one of them has been going through the same exact thing. We each have a few tangible reasons in our own lives for why things could be feeling this way, but the overall consensus has been “I don’t know why, but I am just feeling really depressed. I know I might be upset about A, B or C thing but this feels much deeper than any of those things. It feels like I am grieving but I don’t know why because I haven’t lost a loved one recently.”

I decided to write this blog today because I figured if the majority of my friends are feeling this and we all thought we were the only ones, some of you might be dealing with the same thing.

After waking up so many mornings in a heavy fog of sadness or feeling numb as I try to socialize and continue working, I have realized a few things that have helped me put one foot in front of the other and keep going. I hope these help you too.

The World Is Grieving. After speaking to a dear friend and long time astrologer Patrice Kamins recently and telling her what I was experiencing, she helped me see that the entire world is going through a death and rebirth process and that is also being reflected in our own lives. All of the pain, suffering, trauma and crumbling happening in our world right now is truly beyond what our minds and hearts can even understand and if you’re a highly sensitive person or deeply empathetic – you’re feeling ALL of it. Every paradigm is trying to be rewritten in this moment and there has to be a major unlearning and rewiring in order for that to happen. Each of us are kind of like our own little worlds within our own lives so that’s happening on a personal level for each of us too. It’s SO much loves. And if you don’t totally understand what I mean, don’t worry, it’s a lot.

DO NOT ISOLATE. I talk about isolation a lot as it relates to struggling with a chronic illness, but isolation is real for a lot of people and it can be particularly tempting when we are going through it. That is the exact moment to NOT isolate. We are not meant to deal with our lives on our own without love, affection or support. It’s also unhealthy to cut yourself off from receiving those things and when you’re struggling, you need all of that more than ever! You might not be up for connecting with everyone or socializing at a big party but find your balance. I have acknowledged over the past few weeks that I am not up for being social but I also don’t want to spend too much time alone. For a while there I was finding myself being super lonely because I kept declining invitations to big parties and events which would leave me alone on my couch. EEK! What I realized was that I wasn’t up for a big event but I was craving deeply connected one-on-one time. So I started to speak up and ask for that and now I feel like I have lots of it popping up throughout my week which is such a relief. I also know that there are only certain types of people who I can feel really safe sharing this messy life stuff with. Who are ok with me not being ok and who have the capacity to be witness me being in it without making them uncomfortable. Those are the people I am making plans with. So choose wisely right now, even if you only have two people like that in your life, stick with them for the moment.

Acknowledge What You’re Doing Right. This is one that I really have to remind myself of constantly throughout my day. In moments when I am not able to be “perfectly happy” – whatever that means – I find that I only add fuel to the depressing fire by beating myself up for what I am feeling on top of everything. So I make a conscious decision to stop frequently throughout my day and acknowledge what I am doing RIGHT in those moments. Even the smallest thing has me feel like I am being a bit more loving to myself and it feels like the internal hug I was craving. Sometimes I acknowledge that I got all the work done I had wanted to, that I cooked myself a nourishing meal or that I cleaned up my apartment. It all feels like a win right now and taking a moment to notice it all is incredibly encouraging.

I really hope that these suggestions are helpful to you my loves. If you’ve been going through it for reasons that you can exactly understand or maybe for a few reasons that you can, just know that you are not alone. Although the summer is a time to be outside and be social for a lot of people, just listen to what you’re soul really needs and know that if you’re craving a more mellow and reflective summer, that’s ok too. I love you all so much and would love to hear from you in the comments below. Did this post bring up anything for you? Have you been going through it too? How have you been handling it? Also if you need support or have questions, leave them below and I will respond directly. Sending you a virtual hug.

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Comments

  • Sue Menon

    Thank you for your post! I should be so happy right now. I am moving back to my hometown of NYC after having been in Washington D.C. for the past two years. I should be excited about my new job and I should be making the most of my last weeks here in D.C. Instead I feel angry. I’m angry at my current job for things that happened after I gave my notice and overwhelmed with closing out my life here. And then I am angry at myself for being angry and isolating. I like the idea of telling myself what’s right with what I am doing. Today I went grocery shopping and cooked a nourishing meal. Your thoughts would be much appreciated!

    • Nitika

      I so hear you Sue!!! I honestly have been feeling SO much anger over these past couple of months and that’s not an emotion I feel so often. But it’s here and it’s LOUD. I believe that our anger is trying to wake us up. that our anger is shouting at us about things from lifetimes (meaning ancestral) and we have to feel it. Even when it doesn’t make sense because that’s a lot of the time right now. I am excited for you and your new job and new move and feel like it will bring a new energy that’s much needed right now, into your life. But it’s ok if you don’t feel any of that right now!! Just allow yourself to be where you are. I promise you’re doing great. Lots of love xx

  • Kim

    Hi Nitika,

    I just love how open and vulnerable you are, it’s comforting when we hear people we look up to and admire have moments like this too. I think we ALL feel this time to time. It truly makes us feel NOT alone which you always so beautifully remind people. I 100% just happened to have a week like that last week. I did lose a family dog and went to a wake of an old friend’s mom, so I know that feeling of loss contributed, but truth is, I was feeling in a funk before those things happened. I was feeling impatient with the pace of my new company for no reason b/c things are unfolding perfectly. I was feeling ungrateful for a part time job in TV that pays me well and gives me enough money to build my company and pay my bills. I had a flare up of psoriasis which brought up sadness and fear – all and all, I felt like not enough. I’m starting to come out of it now, but realized in all the teaching I do about self-love & acceptance, I couldn’t accept myself fully last week or my current life circumstances. I tried, but nothing was working, and then I realized I had to just feel the sadness and fear, look at it in the face b/c so often I like to avoid & bury it (which is why I believe I got a flare up which might sound a bit woo woo). Anyhoo, I just started to accept that I was in a funk and that was ok. I needed to give myself permission to feel those htings instead of fight & resist them. I knew it would lift, I did what you did, spoke to dear friends who love me and don’t judge anything I say. I stood in the possibility of love, peace of mind and acceptance. It was a lesson I needed to be remind of b/c life is yin yang right? Thanks for your blog girl, it touched me.
    xoxo
    Kim

    • Nitika

      This is so beautiful, thanks for sharing all of this with me Kim! I so beyond relate to all of it. I am sorry that you actually experienced loss in your life as well, it’s just all so much lately. But you really are doing everything you possibly can and I think that’s completely beautiful. Sending you a hug and so much love! <3 xxx

  • Lisann

    Thank you for sharing this – it makes so much sense since I’m an empath and I’m “feeling ALL of it.”
    The past month has been very strange and this helped quite a bit. Focusing on those who are Ok with me not being OK is helpful, because there is a tendnacy with me to isolate myself in times like this. Also I think it’s helpful when we give ourselves permission to just be contemplative as we need it, and not beat ourselves up for not going to every event. That permission is just one more small thing to celebrate, giving us a “win” to help refocus on gratitude as much as possible. All of that to say: I stand with you and I thank you. 🙏🏼

    • Nitika

      Yes exactly, being an empath makes things even more intense. Thank you for sharing where you’re at with me and for your support. Sending you so much love and hope it gets better for us all soon xx

  • Tamara Jendruh

    Wow – just another confirmation that the universe is working its magic through wonderful people like you to deliver us messages like this when we need them the most. I have been feeling like this all week and even stayed home from work today as I could not manage “being social” and was so frustrated that I could not find a reason for feeling this way. I appreciate all the wonderful suggestions and truly do believe that we as a world/country are in pain. Hopefully we will all start to feel a little bit better after the summer solstice 🙂 thanks again for all your vulnerability, kind worlds and inspiration, it is massively appreciated.

    XOXO
    -T

    • Nitika

      I am so glad that this was helpful! And yes everyone keeps talking about things shifting after the solstice so we shall see. Either way, staying in the moment and loving ourselves as much as we can is all we can do in this moment and that’s just beautiful. Sending you so much love! xx

  • Rebekah

    Thank you for this post. Truly. About two and a half years ago I got my first job out of college at 19! I was so proud of myself. I couldn’t believe after years of high school and teachers telling me I wouldn’t amount to anything, I had graduated college in 21 months AND gotten a job right away.

    Sadly I had to move away from all the friends I made at college about two and half hours north for this job. I had just broken up with my college boyfriend and was feeling pretty alone in the world until I met this guy, let’s call him Allen.

    Allen was the art lead for a different team but technically still a boss in the company. I was always told by him that we couldn’t date publically or we would both get fired. But he made me safe, I had a lot of firsts with him and eventually it went sour. So sour that he ended up physically assaulting me and I STILL took him back.

    After many breakups/makeups I decided to see the therapist for depression and got medication from a psychiatrist I really trusted. After a few months of their guidance, I asked Allen to leave me alone and let me do my job in peace.

    Somewhere during that time, I had moved in with his best friends girl friend, Debbie, so even after we broke up, I still had the unfortunate price of hearing about his life and new girlfriends.

    Earlier this year he asked me in the break room to go out for coffee and I said yes, as I wasn’t thinking and it was early in the morning to then later email him on our personal emails and please leave me alone and that I had no interest in meeting him outside of work and that I would like to continue to be friendly at work.

    Only a few days later, his office mate texted me for nude photos of myself and I Allen’s attitude towards me shifted to being bitter.

    I got pretty irritated about both dealing with him at work and hearing about his life through my roommate so I waited for the lease to end and moved out.

    After about two months, he and his boss(my manager) told my HR that I was to be fired, no questions asked for being unprofessional, slandering my bosses and spending too much time on chat at work. Only this wasn’t true and I always made my deadlines.

    Sadly I didn’t have the money to try and sue so I left.

    At about the same time a company in the same city with my specifuc job opened their doors and I applied only to be denied. Apparently Allen and his manager went around to every company in this city telling them I watched porn on my work computer. Again false, and I had a standing desk filled with many cubes surrounding me with HR behind me and a short cube… so their slander wasn’t even great, but still, I had student loans and no income to try and sue.

    I’m four/five months away from being fired. I have a new job, same city as where I went to college but no college friends, all the progress I made in my mental health is slipping and I’m not on my medication anymore because t got expensive.

    It’s heartbreaking, so much so that when I tell people I love them, I’m not sure I know what that means anymore.

    I have a plan though. Since reading this, I’m going to take my problems one step at a time. I’m working a temp job right now, so my first goal in the next two weeks is to do more job hunting and make at least one new friend.

    It’s hard to keep in mind that the world doesn’t revolve around me since my problems have been cutting me deep for so long.

    Luckily I have the most supportive mother and she lets me take frustration out with discussions and crying sessions.

    I’m trying to let myself feel again and open myself up to the world because we’re all going through something. If we bond together, it can make us stronger!

    • Nitika

      YOU ARE SO BRAVE.

      Thank you for sharing your truth and story here, truly. I pray that you find the peace and love and friends that you so clearly deserve. Don’t give up. I promise you that you’re here for a reason. Sending you all of my love xx

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