Guys, I’m really cringing as I write this. I don’t usually share much about my current personal life because well, let’s be honest, my family is reading this. But something happened to me recently and I knew I had to find a way to share it with you.
I have now been single for over 3 years and actively searching for someone to spend my life with. I’ve been on every dating app. I’ve also taken a break from every dating app. I’ve told every friend. I’ve updated my wardrobe. And I’ve been out and about much more. All in an effort to call in my guy.
This past March, after about 8 months of a dating app break, I finally decided to give it a try again, and signed onto Hinge. Within just a few weeks, I started chatting with this guy (let’s call him George because I know no one by that name!), and I instantly felt a connection with him. A very rare occurrence for me. He took charge, set up our dates, and didn’t bore me with long drawn out text conversations.
We met for breakfast on a Sunday morning for our first date–surprisingly it was one of the best dates I’ve had in my life. We were so enthralled in conversation and laughing hysterically that I completely lost track of time and was late to my next appointment.
I got in my uber and I remember feeling joy in every single one of my cells. I didn’t even know that was possible. I was so shocked by the deep sense of happiness I felt.
But then things took a crazy turn.
After a couple of really fun dates, George ended up disappearing out of the blue with zero communication. No texts. No calls. Nothing. About 10 days after that, he finally told me he started seeing someone else. Although I was disappointed, I also felt somewhat complete. And accepted that my time with him was just a sweet reminder of what was possible with a man.
Oh, but it wasn’t over yet.
Just a week later, as I was happily sitting at my birthday dinner with 4 of my best friends, I got a text from George. Now this wasn’t just any text. This was the most epic text I have ever received in my life. He shared with me how he felt deeply connected to me. That he had actually never been seeing anyone else. And was genuinely too nervous to emotionally connect with someone on the level that we did. He even sent me a beautiful quote and a link to a relationship-focused youtube video.
He wanted to pick up where we’d left off.
This completely knocked me off my feet. I was shocked, confused, and hesitant. But for the next 5 nights (while he was out of town on business), we spent hours on the phone diving into everything we were feeling.
My loves, I really want you to know that the build up was real. I would get messages from him, that I was his “perfect soul match” or “one of the most beautiful women he’d ever met.” There was a part of me that was trepidatious, but there was an even bigger part of me that just wanted to believe this was all happening for real.
The way the story ends with George isn’t so pretty. We had two unsatisfying dates after that (although I wouldn’t really call them dates), only to find out that George had decided to dive headfirst into a relationship with me without really taking me into consideration.
A part of me felt that the nature of our intensity and George professing his deep feelings for me was all too much too soon. But I kept ignoring it. If I had listened to my intuition and heart at the time, I would have heard “people have to earn the right to say things like that to you.” Sure it’s beautiful, it’s a fairytale, and in every romantic comedy they tell you that it’s all you ever wanted.
But in the truth of my heart, it couldn’t of been more wrong for me. At the beginning of this dating process, especially if you’re ready for a real partner, it can be really easy to ignore what’s going on for you and let them steer the ship in a way that doesn’t seem 100% authentic. In conversations with my girlfriends, it’s become very clear that many women are just longing for someone to love them. So when we find someone that’s bright, shiny and full of possibility, we tend to let that deep desire take over and forget the rest.
What we need to keep in mind always is that dating is not just about what he wants, it’s actually completely about what you want. How does this person make YOU feel? How safe do YOU feel with them? Do YOU feel truly seen? And is it going at a pace that’s completely authentic to what’s happening for YOU?
After spending hours with George where he was quoting my blog and looking at my face, but telling me I looked so pretty in my pictures, I started to get this really intense feeling that his fast infatuation had very little to do with Nitika the person and everything to do with Nitika the brand. So creepy. I’ve never experienced something like this before and I know in my heart that if I had listened to my truth earlier, I could have saved myself a lot of wasted time.
The point is this, no matter where you are in your relationship journey–whether you’re happily married, struggling to find someone, or embarking on a new adventure in love–just know that your truth, your voice, and your feelings are what has to come first. After all, it’s a freaking privilege to be with you.
Thank you for taking the time to read this super scary-to-share story. I’m still cringing, but I’m glad we’re in this together. In the comments below, please share any dating stories that have turned into massive lessons for you or if you’ve ever felt yourself ignoring your truth while in a relationship. We are in this together. I love you so much.