The Last Two Years Of Questions Lead Me Here.

January 13, 2018 Career, Health

In 2016, I started writing about an internal struggling I was facing. With the mix of election chaos and something changing within myself, I was struggling to find the deep sense of meaning in my work that I have always felt so connected to. Although being on TV, working with brands and hosting fun events can seem pretty glamorous (and it is!), that’s not why I got into this line of work in the first place.

I remember when I dreamed of having my own talk show, years before it actually came to life, I used to tell everyone that “I wanted to help heal the world through the medium of television”.  Now that is a pretty bold statement, but I meant it! I wasn’t driven by wanting to be famous or get a certain amount of recognition, I wanted to really HELP people and I knew that I had a skill of being in front of the camera which could help me share my message with a large audience.

Although there has always been a tremendous amount of pain and suffering in this world, in 2016 it became impossible to ignore. It was so loud that even if we had been trying to stuff it down or push past it there officially became nowhere to hide.  My inner world became all about this deep desire for wanting more out of life, wanting to be more of service and being completely tired with anything that felt fake or inauthentic.

There was one major problem that I faced with all of this exploring though. I had ZERO clue what I was supposed to do with it all.  I was like, ok great, you want to serve more and do more but what about making money? And who do you want to serve? How is this going to be any different or better?  I was faced with an insane amount of questions that I had not one answer to.

In the process, I lost a ton of faith in God and in myself. I took consulting job after consulting job and really started to believe that maybe I was wrong about all the hopes and dreams I had always felt in my heart. Guys, I even threw out my vision board!!! It was a new low I didn’t think I was ever capable of accessing.

Over the past six months something finally began to shift and I was ready to take some baby steps towards what I began to uncover. There was a lot of hesitation and fear of failure that came up so it took me a while to fully embrace it. But now that I have, I could not be more clear that I was put on this planet to do the work I am embarking on.

After living with a debilitating case of psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis for 26 years, I am finally ready to own my desire to truly support the chronic illness community. It’s funny how sometimes the answer is right under your nose. For years people had been telling me to share more about my health, my struggles and my wins around living with a chronic illness and I had always resisted it. Sure, I mention it in an occasional blog post or instagram video but I have had a lot of fear around truly owning it because I didn’t want the condition to own ME.

Well my loves, I have been in remission with my health for the first time in decades, since May and I know in the deepest part of my soul that the time to share about this and support this community is now. With the National Health Council stating that 150 Million people will have a chronic illness by the year 2020 and 81 million of those people will have multiple, I know there are too many people out there struggling for me to continue playing small.

I started super small and dipped my toe in with a free Facebook group called The Chronic (illness) Crew. This group, these people, they have truly humbled me. The bravery and strength that these individuals showcase on a daily basis is simply breathtaking. People with not one, not two, but often five or six chronic illnesses who are choosing to see the LIGHT.

We share stories of bravery and strength, we support each other and we offer NO unsolicited advice. Simply love. If you or someone you love has a chronic illness, I hope you will join us and let yourself be inspired too.

These last two years have been some of the most heartbreaking on a personal and global level and there were many times where I honestly wasn’t sure how I was ever going to see the light again.  Months where I lost hope, days where I had trouble getting out of bed. But it did get better. Thanks to my insanely beautiful community of loved ones who never lost faith in me, I was able to eventually walk back towards the light. My light. The light of the divine.

From this point forward I am going to be sharing a lot of content that is geared towards the chronic illness community and I hope you will continue to be on this journey with me.  It has always been such an honor to do the work that I do and I am truly grateful to be able to deepen that work with all of you in this way.

Now I want to hear from you! Have you experienced a lot of questioning and confusion over these last couple of years? Where are you at with that now and how have you loved yourself through it? OR do you have a chronic illness?  If so, share which one you have below and how you’re learning to love yourself through that. I absolutely love hearing from you and always answer every comment!

Thank you for reading.

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