October 17, 2012

The Raw and Honest Truth About My Health.

I have to come out and be honest with you about something.  I have been hiding out.  I know that to some people it might seem like I let the world in, I share everything and am so open, but there is something I have been holding back from you and today is the day I have decided to share it with you.  I talk about healing my Psoriasis a lot, how it has been a huge part of my journey and the fact that I was able to over come the disease has been such a huge gift. I have certainly made my healing journey a part of my every day life, in fact here I am downing an Aloe Vera shot with my love Terri Cole and I share pics like this with fans and friends on social media often. Well, there is more to the story.

About six years ago I had reached my worst physical state. I was unable to walk without severe pain, I had Psoriasis all over my face and literally covering about 95% of my body.  The Psoriasis became so overwhelming that it ended up taking over my joints and causing Psoriatic Arthritis as well. I was in a constant state of physical suffering and the thought of accomplishing anything more then getting out of bed felt like an impossible task.  I had been living like this for about six years by this time.  Then I had a moment one morning, lying in my bed crying as I woke up to intense pain, that I didn’t want to try and do this alone anymore.  You see, I had the love of my family always, but I had also recently learned about manifestation, Louise Hay and her healing affirmations, and had been watching The Secret on repeat.  I took on this intense belief that I could heal myself, that I was the one creating this dis-ease and I was the one who was going to get out of it.  The amount of pressure I put on my spirit, my mind and ultimately my body was too much.  I was actually taking these incredibly healing and beautiful tools and using them to beat myself up!  Anyone ever done that before?  I know we all have.  So I reached a point, crying in my bed, where I decided to ask God for help and let him know that I didn’t want to do it alone anymore.  Long story short, I ended up going to the doctor and taking a medicine that completely changed my life.  Within two weeks I was skipping down the street and wearing dresses which had both been impossible tasks for years.  I knew in my heart that the medicine worked because I had done INTENSE spiritual and emotional work for years, because every remedy or medicine I had tried until this point had always failed.

So why am I telling you all of this now?  I am fine, right?  Well Beauties, the truth of the matter is, that for the past couple of years my medicine has been loosing its efficacy.  It hasn’t been working the way it used to and therefore my Psoriasis and Psoriatich arthritis have been slowly showing up again.  CRAP.  That is SO hard for me to write to all of you.  I realized recently that I have been waiting to really share myself with all of you until I was completely healed.  That I am not good enough if my body still has signs of dis-ease.  What kind of an example could I possibly set for you if I am still sick?  How can I teach you or inspire you that you can heal your body, you can have peace and you can love yourself fully if I am still working through so many of those things?
I will tell you how.  We are all the same.  For my journey it’s Psoriasis but for someone else it might be their weight, their romantic relationships or even their shame around money that could be running through their whole life, teaching them fierce lessons and pushing them beyond their comfort zone.  I have decided that I am going to lead all of you through intense honesty from here on out.  I am terrified to do it but the one thing that is guiding me is the belief that someone out there might feel relief by watching me break through the same limitations we all have.  I believe in you.  Each and every one of you.  And no matter  what your life or even your body might look like at times, I do believe in the power to heal ourselves from whatever has us living an un-balanced life.  I also believe that parts of us might heal before the whole of us does.  I really feel that in my soul I am not “sick” anymore.  I feel free from illness and I don’t associate myself with having a disease.  However, I am learning that having TOTAL acceptance of where my body is right now is my biggest challenge.  Not being able to control the fact that my skin can be scaly, flaky and itchy is something that brings me to my knees in hopes of learning what it means to truly surrender.
I hope that you feel inspired to take this journey with me Beauties.  I have so much love for each of you and all that you are going through, and I look forward to healing more and more of ourselves through the work I plan to do with Bella Life and beyond.If any of this resonates with you I would so appreciate your comments on Bella Life about how you plan to be more honest about your healing process and where you are.  Let’s support each other in this!

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  • terri cole

    I was so moved by your ‘coming out’ so to speak! We teach what we need to learn (at least I do) and we are all in this together. I am so happy to have a ringside seat to see all of the continued transformation that is happening right now for you-mind, body and spirit. I am never fixed, cured or healed but always in a state of evolving towards those ends. Your courage to share your truth is what actually makes you a leader. Keep up the amazing work and please continue to model that there is no such thing as perfection…other than this moment right now.
    love love love

  • Marita Bolles

    Thank you so much for your honesty, integrity, and courage! Thank you for leading by example!! One of the hardest things about leadership is that we are never perfect, there is never the perfect time to step up and be seen and lead–except now (and now, and now), including our humanity and leading anyway. God bless you and all of us on our courageous journey!!

  • Alma

    I am soo grateful for this post. I can really relate to what you shared about wanting to be “completely well, or completely fixed” before sharing with the world. Thank you for taking this step!

  • Nitika Chopra

    Terri – thank you so much for your kind words. You are such a source of inspiration and light in my life and I couldn’t love you more <3

    Marita - YOU my friend have helped me throughout my journey in countless ways and I am so excited to be connected with you again in such a fun way. Love you!

    Alma - I am THRILLED that this post helped you. That is the whole reason I put aside the fear and just shared my truth, in hopes to help even one person. Sending you love, Beauty <3

    Love Always,

    Nitika <3

  • Kelly Lynn Adams


    Absolutely AMAZING! Thank you for sharing your raw, authentic truth – you are a powerful force and example for so many others. So happy to share the journey with you and please keep spreading your truth, healing and message as it is so needed in the world!

    Love, KL

  • Nitika Chopra

    Thanks so much KL!! Love you and so happy we are on this healing journey called LIFE together!!

    Love Always,

    Nitika <3

  • Awo

    ” I have been waiting to really share myself with all of you until I was completely healed. That I am not good enough if my body still has signs of dis-ease. What kind of an example could I possibly set for you if I am still sick? How can I teach you or inspire you that you can heal your body, you can have peace and you can love yourself fully if I am still working through so many of those things?”

    Nitika, this is exactly what I have doing. I’ve been waiting until my life, body and image was a certain way before I begin to live out my purpose of helping women heal. I have been hiding about my shame about under earning and not knowing how to make more and my discomfort and shame around my name and wanting to legally change it. I feel I don’t want to share until everything is neatly wrapped up and finished. Thank you so much for this reminder and honesty to accept and love the now and that healing is done in stages. One part of us may be healed while another part needs to do some. Thank you, thank you , THANK YOU for the beautiful honesty. Your entire being is absolutely beautiful and I’m encouraged by your courage. You’ve reminded to share from here, not there-always. Thank you.


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