The Raw and Honest Truth About My Health.

October 17, 2012 Health

I have to come out and be honest with you about something.  I have been hiding out.  I know that to some people it might seem like I let the world in, I share everything and am so open, but there is something I have been holding back from you and today is the day I have decided to share it with you.  I talk about healing my Psoriasis a lot, how it has been a huge part of my journey and the fact that I was able to over come the disease has been such a huge gift. I have certainly made my healing journey a part of my every day life, in fact here I am downing an Aloe Vera shot with my love and I share pics like this with fans and friends on social media often. Well, there is more to the story.

About six years ago I had reached my worst physical state. I was unable to walk without severe pain, I had Psoriasis all over my face and literally covering about 95% of my body.  The Psoriasis became so overwhelming that it ended up taking over my joints and causing Psoriatic Arthritis as well. I was in a constant state of physical suffering and the thought of accomplishing anything more then getting out of bed felt like an impossible task.  I had been living like this for about six years by this time.  Then I had a moment one morning, lying in my bed crying as I woke up to intense pain, that I didn’t want to try and do this alone anymore.  You see, I had the love of my family always, but I had also recently learned about manifestation, Louise Hay and her healing affirmations, and had been watching The Secret on repeat.  I took on this intense belief that I could heal myself, that I was the one creating this dis-ease and I was the one who was going to get out of it.  The amount of pressure I put on my spirit, my mind and ultimately my body was too much.  I was actually taking these incredibly healing and beautiful tools and using them to beat myself up!  Anyone ever done that before?  I know we all have.  So I reached a point, crying in my bed, where I decided to ask God for help and let him know that I didn’t want to do it alone anymore.  Long story short, I ended up going to the doctor and taking a medicine that completely changed my life.  Within two weeks I was skipping down the street and wearing dresses which had both been impossible tasks for years.  I knew in my heart that the medicine worked because I had done INTENSE spiritual and emotional work for years, because every remedy or medicine I had tried until this point had always failed.

So why am I telling you all of this now?  I am fine, right?  Well Beauties, the truth of the matter is, that for the past couple of years my medicine has been loosing its efficacy.  It hasn’t been working the way it used to and therefore my Psoriasis and Psoriatich arthritis have been slowly showing up again.  CRAP.  That is SO hard for me to write to all of you.  I realized recently that I have been waiting to really share myself with all of you until I was completely healed.  That I am not good enough if my body still has signs of dis-ease.  What kind of an example could I possibly set for you if I am still sick?  How can I teach you or inspire you that you can heal your body, you can have peace and you can love yourself fully if I am still working through so many of those things?
I will tell you how.  We are all the same.  For my journey it’s Psoriasis but for someone else it might be their weight, their romantic relationships or even their shame around money that could be running through their whole life, teaching them fierce lessons and pushing them beyond their comfort zone.  I have decided that I am going to lead all of you through intense honesty from here on out.  I am terrified to do it but the one thing that is guiding me is the belief that someone out there might feel relief by watching me break through the same limitations we all have.  I believe in you.  Each and every one of you.  And no matter  what your life or even your body might look like at times, I do believe in the power to heal ourselves from whatever has us living an un-balanced life.  I also believe that parts of us might heal before the whole of us does.  I really feel that in my soul I am not “sick” anymore.  I feel free from illness and I don’t associate myself with having a disease.  However, I am learning that having TOTAL acceptance of where my body is right now is my biggest challenge.  Not being able to control the fact that my skin can be scaly, flaky and itchy is something that brings me to my knees in hopes of learning what it means to truly surrender.
I hope that you feel inspired to take this journey with me Beauties.  I have so much love for each of you and all that you are going through, and I look forward to healing more and more of ourselves through the work I plan to do with Bella Life and beyond.If any of this resonates with you I would so appreciate your comments on Bella Life about how you plan to be more honest about your healing process and where you are.  Let’s support each other in this!

Thank you for reading.

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