April 7, 2018

What I Am Most Proud Of On My Birthday This Year.

For some people, birthdays are just another day, but that’s never been the case for me. While I used to indulge in a ton of birthday fanfare, I don’t feel the need for that so much anymore. However I do find my birthday, April 11th, to be a beautiful moment of reflection and a time to reconnect to my truth. It all seems to come up around my birthday and often for weeks before as well. Maybe it’s because I am an Aries or maybe it’s because my parents always did an incredible job of making my birthday super special when I was a kid. Either way it’s that time of year and I have a lot to say about where I am currently at.

The last 365 days were nothing short of an insane roller coaster that has just recently started to ground itself. When I reflected on my birthday last year, I was really aware of the fact that I was alone (being single) but so far from being lonely. I felt the abundance of love pouring throughout my life and I have to say that feeling is still palpable. Every night when I tell God what I am grateful for I always have a long list of humans that filled my heart that day. Being someone who didn’t really have a true group of friends until I was 27 years old, this is something I remain in awe of and will always be grateful for.

While that feeling is still there, this year included a lot of other experiences that lead me to one soul-shifting truth in particular. I am sure as I continue to get older this will evolve but I can say without question that I learned how to own my truth, my voice and my spirit more than I ever have before this past year. That’s so exciting to me!

Growing up I always felt like my truth, my voice and my spirit were not welcome or just wrong in pretty much any situation I was in. Whether it was because I was so different than my peers or the exact opposite of my parents or because my body was showing up in a way I didn’t understand. I continued to get the message that the way I was, was not ok. I know that so many of you reading this can relate. I have seen it in the comments you have left me on the blog and the messages you have sent me on Instagram. Many of us are just trying to figure out how to feel like we belong.

Although I often talk about how owning who you truly are is the key to self-love and happiness, this year I began to see that I wasn’t owning my voice in a lot of areas.

One of the biggest ways I began to own my voice and truth is by starting the (most insane inspiring) Facebook Group, The Chronic (illness) Crew and leading a powerful community there. It feels silly to think about, but I have been denying my deep desire to serve this community for possibly my entire life. It’s been right under my nose and pulsing throughout my body and I just wasn’t ready to own it until now. I am humbled and THRILLED to be on this journey with this group of inspiring individuals who are all learning how to thrive with a chronic illness. It’s been life-changing already and we have just begun!

This year I also learned something that was really confusing at first. I learned that my intuition has changed the way that it communicates with me. WHAT?! I didn’t even know that was possible. I really understood this more after a gut-wrenching and honestly, really shocking, breakup that I had at the end of 2017. Upon reflecting on the situation once it was over I was able to see that my gut and internal guide had been talking to me and kind of warning me the entire time but I had been ignoring it. At first I beat myself up about that but I eventually started to see that I only did that because I didn’t recognize the messages I was receiving. I was used to my intuition speaking to me in a much different way but I think as I have changed, so has my intuition. Does that make sense? It’s now stronger than ever and that’s incredibly exciting. I can engage with it in ways I had abandoned over the last several years because I thought my intuition had weakened or even disappeared at times. I see now that it never leaves us but the messages might shift their delivery as we evolve.

I have also had the beautiful honor of being a member of The Resistance Revival Chorus and it has been one of the greatest joys of my year. If you follow me on Instagram you’ve seen that we have performed everywhere from Carnegie Hall (with Carly Simon!) to The Guggenheim and have our first road gig up to Williams College in Massachusetts this month. I took voice lessons for about 15 years of my life but not pursuing music is just another way I decided to not honor my voice in the truest sense. Being a part of this chorus has brought new sisters and a new sense of light into my heart as well as given me an outlet to stand up for things that deserve justice. We have a show coming up on April 12th and perform often so be sure you’re following us on Instagram for all the details. I would love to have you guys come out and see us!

This past year I have also pushed myself to draw from a more truthful place in my writing and with the content I share with each of you. It’s been such a pleasure and your support, love and encouragement make it all worth it. I feel like every time I am scared to “go there” and really say what I mean, I am met with your reassurance that I am on the exact right path and that I need to keep going. I felt that way when I wrote this OpEd for Well + Good that was posted this past week. It was so scary but so empowering at the same time. So when I say I love your comments and that hearing from you brings me joy – I really mean it! If it weren’t for your beautiful feedback I wouldn’t know if I was making an impact and that’s what really matters to me at the end of the day.

As I reflect on my 36th year with all of you and usher in year 37 in just a few days, I am most proud of my willingness to own my voice. It’s scary. It’s often painful. It feels impossible to do at times. But I do feel it’s worth it and I don’t plan on stopping any time soon. I am grateful for all of these beautiful and often surprising ways that I have learned to own my voice this year. I really mean it when I say that I can’t wait to see what surprises this next year of my life has for me. It’s going to be a good one. I can feel it!

Now I want to hear from you. Have you learned to own your voice too? Were we on a similar path over this past 12 months? Let me know below! Even if it’s not your birthday, I still want to celebrate with you.

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Comments

  • Janice Enright

    At age 67, I am JUST learning to find my OWN voice. I’ve always thought of putting others first. And that’s not always a good thing. In just this past week, so many physical problems with my body have happened. And now, it’s important I take care of myself first. It is a very difficult thing for me to do. I now have learned I was pretty much groomed to be a caregiver and to put others first. Otherwise, if I didn’t, I felt very guilt-ridden. I’m working very hard to watch that I stay out of the guilt pit of life from now on. It’s just very very difficult. But I know it will come.

    • Nitika

      Hi Janice! Honestly it’s so beautiful that you are seeing this pattern, no matter what age you are! So many people NEVER see it. I’ve always heard that acknowledging something is 50% of being able to overcome it, so you’re halfway there. Thanks for commenting. Lots of love!! xx

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