It was the end of my premiere week, I was feeling painfully exhausted and after a few morning meetings had managed to slip back into my sweats. I had just spiritually “given birth” to two major projects. My talk show, Naturally Beautiful, premiered and my first workshop series began the very next night. Thrilled, in awe, deeply grateful … those were all words to describe my emotional state after such a big week; but exhaustion was also in the mix.
I had made a real effort to relax and chill out with my dog Bella as much as possible for the days following these events, but one hangout session I had on my calendar (which I was totally excited about) was a birthday celebration for one of my best friends, Sarah Jenks. It was going to be a Friday night filled with my soul sisters, yummy food, West Village shenanigans and more. Just what my spirit needed after being so work-focused the earlier part of the week.
There was just one problem. I felt gross. I was sure I had gained 10 pounds in two days from stress. And I felt puffy from making some poor food choices the night before. The last thing I wanted was to be seen. I pouted for a minute and then pushed myself to “snap out of it!” Saying things to myself like, What’s wrong with you? This is Sarah, she loves you and couldn’t care less about what you wear. Or even better: You felt pretty in your dress at the premiere party and that was like three days ago. That’s enough for one week.
I huffed and puffed for about 20 minutes and decided to just get on with getting dressed. I tried to manifest feeling pretty by plowing through every item in my closet. I made a valiant effort to dress up and let my accessories be distracting. I tried hiding with an over-sized sweater. I even went to my three or four staple outfits that always work. You know those go-to clothes that look awesome every time so you end up wearing them everywhere.
Nothing. Worked. It was a total disaster.
I contemplated canceling my evening and saying I was not feeling well, but I had been looking forward to this all week! So instead of stewing in my insecurities, I decided to do something that always works. I let God take the lead. I stood in front of my closet and started a conversation with God in which I was honest, vulnerable and completely centered in my heart.
It went a little something like this: Alright God, I’ve been trying to figure this out now for the past 35 minutes and it isn’t working. I feel gross, I’m getting more and more upset with every attempt and my insecurities have me in a chokehold. I need you to step in now. I promise I will listen. I want to feel empowered, comfortable in my own skin, confident and free. Can you help me with that?
I closed my eyes for about 30 seconds and then moved my feet over to my laptop to play a song that totally evoked the feeling of lightness, beauty and vibrancy that I wanted to feel that night. Within minutes, I felt sexy in my jeans, I pulled out a top from the back of my closet that I haven’t worn since last year which hugged my curves perfectly, threw on my favorite earrings and even made a killer side braid which I rarely do. It was the exact shift that I needed to get re-aligned with my truth, my divine beauty, and my purpose.
If you ever felt stuck, funky, frustrated or even puffy, I invite you to ask for divine guidance. Sometimes we need a little support for the inside to be reflected on the outside, don’t be afraid to ask for some help, you’re human and it’s easy to get knocked off your self-confidence game every once in awhile.
I’d love to hear from you! What have you done to find your body confidence again? And if this is still a struggle for you, what has been the most challenging? Please share in the comments below.
Comments
g 10/18/15
Nitika, thank you for this post! I’m struggling with this right now. An unexpected family reunion is coming up soon (to visit a sick relative) and suddenly I’m berating myself about not losing weight last month so that I would look “good” now, etc., etc. I’m afraid I will be judged. And I am being judged– by myself. Thanks for reminding me that I don’t have to do that. I don’t have to project my fears about an ill loved- one or other people’s opinions onto my innocent body. I have a Higher Power who’s got my back that I can go to for ANY advice; nothing is too superficial. Oh, and deep breathing helps, too…
Nitika 10/18/15
YES! You don’t have to do that, and I know this scenario all too well. The more you connect to your core beauty, your divine beauty, the more you will radiate that out to your family as well. It’s undeniable and down right breathtaking. I promise. Lots of love sweet thing xx
Misty Litt 10/18/15
This is awesome, Nitika! EVERYONE feels this way sometimes and I love the way you handle it. Rise above! xo
Nitika 10/18/15
Thanks Misty! So sweet xoxo
Michele Morales 10/20/15
Wow – this was a great post Nitika! I think all women go through this, some more than others. Many times it doesn’t even cross our minds to go to God for certain things, but we need to remind ourselves that he’s there all the time. He said that he’ll perfect those things that concern us. If it concerns us, it will concern him. Thanks for this reminder and being open and vulnerable. It mean so much!
Nitika 10/23/15
Awww thanks Michele! I am thrilled this was helpful. Sending lots of love your way!! xoxo
Mary 10/31/15
I absolutely love this! I often feel puffy and gross but never thought about asking for divine guidance You are an inspiration to me Nitika. Thank You! You are a beautiful spirit inside and out❤️
Nitika 11/04/15
Oh I am so glad that this was helpful Mary!! You inspire me too. Just by being willing to access happiness, even if you don’t feel great or don’t know how, is amazing and a total inspiration!!! Lots of love xoxo
Stephen ( Steve ) Getz 12/25/15
to reach out and touch has become sooooo much easier
Love, Love…
me
Daniela 02/09/16
Nitika, I struggle with this every single day and this is the first time I see someone talk about this so openly and honestly. Thank you for the inspiration and guidance. The biggest challenge for me is struggling to be aware and shine light on my real feelings. I’ve gotten so used to swallowing everything down that I don’t even think about it anymore. I’ve lost the connection with myself and I feel like I live in an empty body; I don’t know who this person is anymore. I just know that it’s not me. It’ such a hard habit to break – going with the flow and ignoring my feelings, my thoughts – it’s causing me a lot of pain in my health, relationships, life.
Nitika 03/18/16
Hello beautiful Daniela! I just noticed that I never responded to your comment, so sorry about that! I didn’t see it for some strange reason. This is so beautifully written and I thank you for sharing it with us here. Honestly, I totally get you. For years, I stuffed down my feelings because the thought of sharing them, getting rejected and being misunderstood was too painful to risk. It took years to undo this pattern. But I can tell you that once you do, you will see that just the simple awareness around what you are actually feeling, can change EVERYTHING. Keep going beauty, you’re doing great! Lots of love xx