March 5, 2016

Why Happiness is a Moment to Moment Fight

Why Happiness is a moment to moment fight

Everyday we open up our laptops to find article after article on our favorite blogs with headlines like…

10 Things to Do to be Happy Everyday
The Secret to Staying Happy for Life
Feel Happier in Just 5 Minutes

While these articles are great and I’ve definitely written similar ones myself, my mission is to let you know that happiness is not a pill. There’s no quick fix to finding it. And there’s not a list of things that I can give you that will suddenly ignite happiness for you and change your life forever. Even though that would be freaking awesome.

The truth of the matter is, all of these articles, self-help books, and even inspiring instagram accounts, only work if you work it. Let me give you an example. When I was going through the hardest times in my life with my health, my divorce, and living alone in NYC for the first time in my early 20s, I wanted more than anything to find the secret to happiness. To figure out how I could get from feeling alone and depressed to totally joyful.

I started reading lots of self-help books and took lots of courses. I even got trained to be a life coach. Everything I did, I went head first into thinking that “this” was the answer. This was the thing that was going to take me from sad to happy.

To cut to the chase, that’s not what happened.

Yes, all of these things helped in the fabric of my happy life. They have all had an impact on it. And made a difference for me. But I had to choose to practice these concepts everyday. It wasn’t possible for me to experience them once and be forever changed.

We have to fight for happiness.

I’m really passionate talking about this because during this time in my life, I really believed that there was an answer that was going to fix me. And with that belief, I actually did more harm than good. I put so much pressure on myself to be happy.

I would look around and see these “happy” faces promising me the world, ‘true bliss,’ ‘ecstasy,’ and ‘boundless joy.’ Only to be disappointed that a week after experiencing their words of wisdom, it would wear off. And instead of thinking it was the process that was flawed, I turned that inward and truly believed there was something wrong with me.

Can you relate to this? I have a feeling many of you can, which is why I felt it was important for me to share. Yes, I am a person in the media, I share tips and tools and articles every week, and I constantly post on Instagram about it.

But the point isn’t that I have the magic pill, the point is that taking these resources and doing the work every day–sometimes moment to moment– will work for you.

There will absolutely still be bad days (gasp!) even with all the work you’re doing. That doesn’t mean that you’re flawed or failing. It doesn’t even mean that the material is flawed. All it means is that you’re human. And bringing a deep level of compassion for yourself in this journey to inner peace, happiness, and true love is the work. That’s the work, my friends.

How much compassion can you have for yourself and others in every moment? Your ability to increase this capacity for love is the work and what will lead you to longer moments of happiness.

So the next time you take a peek inside your favorite blog, book, or Instagram account, please keep this in mind. All of these happy images are a gift, but they only work if you work them.

Now, I’d love to hear from you! What happiness practices have you tried and dropped like it’s hot? Or what have you kept up that still works for you? Please share them in the comments below.

Leave a Comment

I respond to every single comment myself, please leave me one below so we can chat!


  • Joan Kline

    Good Morning Nitika! True happiness begins with self. Until you quit comparing yourself to others, and Love the Person God created you to be, you’ll never be happy. It’s not all about money, fame, or fortune, fancy clothes or hot cars or a Sexy partner. All of the above is a Blessing and would be extremely nice to have. But if you can’t look in the mirror and truly and accept who you are, you’ll be searching endlessly. No two people are alike and i guess that makes you unique! Special! Quit comparing yourself with others and work on improving you. Who wants to be a carbon copy anyway? I am me, I’m different, I’m unique and special! I Love myself just the way i am! That’s the way to start the day!

    • Nitika

      That’s great advice, I couldn’t agree more! Lots of love xx

  • danielle

    wow i feel like an older version of you. i am in it deep, i have done so much like you to find a cure,lol, nothin is helping …im lost and losing the battle …ive read so much i have insirational quotes everyday i did a yoga teacher training for a year i did a holistic health coach course for that long to . i try to exercise and run to get out of my head . i fake it till i make it. smile smile smile.. im sad im looking for another therapist but do to our wonderful government my insurance is taken by very few. ugh

    • Nitika

      Oh yes Danielle I totally get it and feel where you’re coming from! Just continue to be gentle with yourself on your quest for happiness. That’s the biggest step that’s needed in this journey. With that in mind, I promise things start to feel kinder and easier. Just start with being kind to yourself!! Lots of love xx

  • Loli Pérez (aka mspaoperez)

    Wow, this is just what I need to hear. Because yesterday I watched a video of Lady Gaga, and she says is ok to feel, so when you feel sad, angry or happy, it’s ok, you know.
    And I am in this path of wanting to be happy, but it’s hard because I think I am depress, and I been reading some amazing books, and watching live lectures, and following the right people. But still, don’t feel the happy rail. I just put a lot of pressure on it. And now you tell me it’s ok, just like Gaga said, it’s ok to feel.
    So thank you, Nitika. For sharing this wisdom with us, bc I guess I have the knowledge but I wasn’t fully aware of it.

    Xoxo, from Argentina

    • Nitika

      You are SO beautiful Loli + I absolutely love seeing your presence on my blog and on the web through social media too. Yes, it’s ok to not always feel 100% happy. It really is. If you feel like you are more sad then happy, it might be time to do a little extra work or even get some help. I find an outside person to work with like a therapist or coach to be really helpful. But other times we just have to have patience with ourselves and trust that the ups and downs are totally ok. Lots of love to you beauty! xx

  • Kat @

    Love it Nitika! I’ve been working on loving myself through the process. So often I value just the end product – launching, speaking, getting paid, etc, and I don’t value all the time it takes me to prepare for that moment. Fighting for happiness for me right now looks like taking the time every night to appreciate everything I’ve done (whether or not I have something to “show” for it) so that I can begin to practice enjoying every step of the process 🙂

    • Nitika

      Oh my gosh YES Kat this is such a powerful reminder for all of us! I honestly have to work on having gratitude even when there’s is nothing to “show” for it as well. Our society has become so addicted to external validation that it can be challenging to to keep focused on what truly matters. You’re doing great, keep it up and lots of love! xx

  • Daniella G

    Mornin’! So I did the Landmark Forum last weekend as per my life coach’s request, and although I didn’t have starry eyes and I didn’t quite ‘drink the koolaid’, or “pop” as they say, I did get some valuable stuff out of it. One that I’d really like to share with y’all happiness seekers that are reading this. It’s the concept that resistance creates persistence. For example if you hate your job and you badger yourself in your own head all day repeating to yourself how much you hate it and how miserable you are in it, then that suffocates you and doesn’t give you much room to move through it or to grow… for some people anxiety/misery/frustration motivate them to change their circumstances… but for me and for many others the anxiety/misery/frustration create a persisting paralyzing effect, making the challenge, whatever it may be, persist when we resist it! So try ‘CHOOSING’ whatever challenge you are facing…. look, it’s there anyway, you may as well tell yourself I CHOOSE THIS! Choosing it gives you some breathing room to move around in it and to be happier with it… last week I “chose” my job all week long and I felt myself actually being a lot more present and lighter…. whatever it may be in your life… your knee pain, your loneliness, your job, your whatever, try telling yourself that you are choosing it so that you can give yourself some Oxygen to flow through it and some wiggle room! Good luck let me know how it works out 🙂
    P.S. Nitika I think you are so adorable and lovely, I came to your Self Love event a few weeks ago because that is something I’m working on for myself, thank you!

    • Nitika

      I love this insight you got from Landmark Daniella! Really powerful + I know it will come in handy time and time again for sure. And thanks for coming to the Self-love Celebration!! So amazing that you were there + I hope to see you at the next one in June. Lots of love!! xx

  • gale patrick

    Hello Nitika-
    thanks for your blog this morning – you have a good point that anything worth having is worth working towards – happiness seems like a very good reason to be a conscious reckoning to one’s own well being- this morning I went out for a walk across the nearby park- had a bad fall on ice in January-curtailed my activities – yesterday it rained non stop – made me appreciate being able to make that walk in the sun today-I love animals – they always make me happy – dogs in particular – another good reason to walk outside- Watching funny animal videos on Youtube is always something that makes me smile – sometimes laugh out loud- Any practice that gets you out of yourself and focusing on something or someone else is a good thing too-Balance and moderation helps too.

    • Nitika

      Hi Gale! So sorry to hear about your fall but I LOVE that you are still finding ways to access happiness and joy. It’s a beautiful thing. Sending you so much love! xx

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