I wish I was kidding, but I’m not. I’ve had more moments than I can count over the past six months where I thought the Universe flat out forgot about me. My faith was weak and almost non-existent; my self-confidence was low and my creativity was nowhere to be found. In the grand scheme of things, I have been through much worse and I reminded myself of that as often as possible. But even still, it didn’t take away from the pain I was experiencing on a daily basis.
So what’s been happening?
Well, let’s just say it’s been a cocktail of a few failed relationships, an unexpected business slow down and my health giving me major signs that I’ve been on the wrong track. While I’m in no way looking for sympathy, I have to say … it’s been an incredibly challenging time. Naturally, I did the work to wrap my head around these situations and found some peace. But just as I felt ease again, another problem would pop-up. Like those carnival games with the heads that pop-up—every time you think you got one, there’s another one waiting for you.
Have you ever felt that way before?
I haven’t talked about this stuff publicly not because I was scared to, but because I believe in being authentic. One way I try to do that is by healing my own stuff before trying to help others with their healing journeys. If you’ve read my blog, you probably saw some of my dating disasters and if you follow me on social media you know that I’m now on week 7 of my candida diet. But, there’s so much more that has been going on beneath the surface.
What I am about to share with you is a version of something you’ve heard before, but it’s an incredibly important reminder. Especially since so many of you have shared that 2016 has been challenging for you too. My love, these times in our lives help us remember who we really are and I’m convinced that it’s the greatest gift we could ever hope for. Every moment something comes up is a chance for us to re-evaluate and get back to basics; something we probably would never do if things were easy. As much as I’m totally over learning through pain and struggle, I am grateful for all it has shown me.
In the case of my attempt at finding a romantic partner, I can say with 100% certainty that I am more happy and proud of the woman I am today than I have ever been. It took some tears to finally look within and find what makes me beautiful and special, and ground into the things I love about myself in a new way. I have never been more comfortable in my own skin than I am today.
It took my business slowing down for me to get back to why I want to do this work. I asked myself questions like, “do you just want to be famous?” or “are you addicted to validation and need that to feel worthy?” and “do you even care about helping people?”. I asked all the questions I could think of as often as I could, and six months later that brought me here. To this moment, writing this blog and sharing these scary vulnerable moments of my life. I’ve always felt that my struggles were not about me, but opportunities to help others. Whether I was bedridden or going through a divorce, things always felt like they were for a much bigger purpose.
But somehow, I forgot that along the way. I got lost in the social media, in the self-promotion, the deals, the brands and external validation. It makes me a little sad to admit that, but I also have compassion for it. I never stopped being me, but I let myself off the hook for being the parts of me that I have always wanted to share more of — the vulnerable, the messy, the insecure, the wise and the loving parts.
In writing this, I wanted to offer you two things. First off, I wanted to let you know that if you have been going through a hard time this year, this week or this month – you are not alone. Not even a little bit. And the more we get honest about that, the more we can love each other through it. The second thing is a reminder that even when life gets hard, you are completely being guided. You haven’t been forgotten by God, the Universe or even the loves of your life who might have a hard time showing up when things get rough. You are being led towards your truth, your divine purpose and being pushed to love yourself on a level you never even knew was possible.
I hope this post was helpful for you, sweet thing. I so love connecting with you here and learning about what’s happening for you so we can be on this journey together. If this post resonated with you, please share that with me in the comments below. Also, if you know a friend who could use support after a tough time, this might be the perfect thing to send her (or him!). You can also post it on your social media so she or he gets the message without you having to call them out. Either way, I look forward to supporting you in the comments. Lots of love, always.